Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people say that physical education classes are an important part of a child’s education. Others believe that it is more important to focus on academics during school time. Discuss both these views, and give your opinion. v.5

Some people say that physical education classes are an important part of a child’s education. Others believe that it is more important to focus on academics during school time. v. 5
The inclusion of physical education in the academic curriculum has always been a hot topic of discussion. Some people hold the view, that sports are an essential aspect of the school education system, whereas the others have totally different opinion as they believe full emphasis should be given to the studies only. In this essay both the opinions will be discussed. The group supporting the involvement of physical activities in the school system, focus on students being both physically and mentally fit, along with their educational development. As it is very rightly said that a healthy mind dwells in a healthy body. Similarly the health and games related subjects can definitely help in the overall development of the kids. For instance, a recent study has also shown that children involved in sports have better concentration and grasping power as compared to the ones focusing only on the studies. Apart from this, some parents believe that physical education can teach their wards major etiquettes like the sportsman spirit, dedication, teamwork and many more, which can be beneficial in their survival in the practical world. On the contrary, some parents strongly disagree with the above facts and the emphasis on simply focusing on the academics. They think games and physical activities can divert the student’s focus away from the studies. In this world of high competition, long hours of study are demanded to beat others and achieve great ranks. For example, in entrance tests like IIT, AIIMS, NDA and many others, thousands of candidates appear every year and the selection criteria demands one to excel in the exams. Additionally they believe, to be successful in the life and to opt for good carrier, games and sports won’t help, so all the focus should be set in the science and other important subjects in the school. To conclude, in my opinion, it is rightly said ‘All work and no play can make Jack a dull boy’. So definitely a balance should be maintained in both the learning and health. Focusing on a single activity can have detrimental effects on a child’s life.
The inclusion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
education in the academic curriculum has always been a hot topic of discussion.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
hold the view, that sports are an essential aspect of the school education system, whereas the others have
totally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
opinion as they believe full emphasis should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
. In this essay both the opinions will
be discussed
.

The group supporting the involvement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activities in the school system, focus on students being both
physically
and mentally fit, along with their educational development.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
rightly
said that a healthy mind dwells in a healthy body.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Similarly
the health and games related subjects can definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in the
overall
development of the kids.
For instance
, a recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
has
also
shown that children involved in sports have better concentration and grasping power as compared to the ones focusing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
. Apart from this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parents believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
education can teach their wards major
Possible spelling mistake found.
etiquettes
like the sportsman spirit, dedication, teamwork and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more, which can be beneficial in their survival in the practical world.

On the contrary
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parents
strongly
disagree with the above facts and the emphasis on
simply
focusing on the academics. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
games and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activities can divert the student’s focus away from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
. In this world of high competition, long hours of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
are demanded
to beat others and achieve great ranks.
For example
, in entrance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tests
like IIT,
Possible spelling mistake found.
AIIMS
, NDA and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
others, thousands of candidates appear every year and the selection criteria demands one to excel in the exams.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Additionally
they believe, to be successful in the life and to opt for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
carrier, games and sports won’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
all the focus should
be set
in the science and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
subjects in the school.

To conclude
, in my opinion, it is
rightly
said ‘All work and no play can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
Jack a dull boy’.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
definitely a balance should
be maintained
in both the learning and health. Focusing on a single activity can have detrimental effects on a child’s life.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that physical education classes are an important part of a child’s education. Others believe that it is more important to focus on academics during school time. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
349 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts