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Some people say that physical education classes are an important part of a child's education. Others believe that it is more important to focus on academics during school time. Discuss both these views and give your opinion? v.2

Some people say that physical education classes are an important part of a child's education. Others believe that it is more important to focus on academics during school time. v. 2
While some people regard physical education as a necessary component of schooling / school curriculum others opine that academics is of primal importance. Physical education makes children fit and helps them develop a supportive attitude, whereas academics helps the kids develop a good foundation for future career. Hence, I believe that a holistic environment consisting of academics and physical education must be provided to the children. Physical education aids people to become fit both physically and mentally. In the current era of growing health concerns due to the sedentary lifestyle, doctors advise people to engage in regular physical activity. Furthermore, when people play a sport they become resilient and learn to cope with victories as well as losses. Involvement in sports helps the child develop team spirit. On the other hand, having good academic grades is crucial / essential for building a successful career. Being focused on studies leads to a better conceptual understanding of the subject and one becomes more knowledgeable by learning new things. Also, having a good academic score increases the chances of being placed in better educational institutes in future and getting scholarships. I believe that the child’s education must have a comprehensive coverage of academics as well as physical education. The proverb, “All work and no play, makes Jack a dull boy” is relevant in the current scenario. Asking the child to exclusively pursue academics can be taxing for them. Furthermore, only factual knowledge is insufficient for leading a comfortable life. In contrast, if a child is too focused on physical education, academics can get neglected leading to / and this could lead to poor scholastic performance. In conclusion, I opine that striking a balance between studies and sports is warranted for the better development of the child.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
regard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
as a necessary component of schooling / school curriculum others opine that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academics
is of primal importance.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
children fit and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them develop a supportive attitude, whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academics
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the kids develop a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
foundation for future career.
Hence
, I believe that a holistic environment consisting of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academics
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be provided
to the children.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
aids
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to become fit both
physically
and mentally.

In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
era of growing health concerns due to the sedentary lifestyle, doctors advise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to engage in regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activity.
Furthermore
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
play a sport they become resilient and learn to cope with victories
as well
as losses. Involvement in sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
develop team spirit.

On the other hand
, having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
grades is crucial / essential for building a successful career.
Being focused
on studies leads to a better conceptual understanding of the subject and one becomes more knowledgeable by learning new things.
Also
, having a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
score increases the chances of
being placed
in better educational institutes in future and getting scholarships.

I believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have a comprehensive coverage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academics
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. The proverb, “All work and no play,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
Jack a dull boy” is relevant in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
scenario. Asking the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
to exclusively pursue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academics
can be taxing for them.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
factual knowledge is insufficient for leading a comfortable life.
In contrast
, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
is too focused on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academics
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
neglected leading to / and this could lead to poor scholastic performance.

In conclusion
, I opine that striking a balance between studies and sports
is warranted
for the better development of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that physical education classes are an important part of a child's education. Others believe that it is more important to focus on academics during school time. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
293 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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