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Nowadays young people are admiring media and sports stars, even though they do not set a good example. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? v.4

Nowadays young people are admiring media and sports stars, even though they do not set a good example. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? v. 4
In the modern world, education is actually crucial to humanity, which helps to gain an enormous fund of knowledge, achieve career goals and set personal. To lead a happy and prosperous life, an individual needs to study and obtain a great job to be successful in life. Due to poverty or financial support, there are still a huge number of people who cannot learn and get even basic understanding like ability to write or to read. In my opinion, I subscribe to the view that government should give education for free for difficult circumstances, especially the poor, but not all social classes. To begin with, the biggest advantages of imposing free education is that not only economic system, but also the nation will be improved and developed. If many poor students have the opportunity to obtain well-qualificated education, countries will have more talents contributing to necessary fields. Furthermore, as citizens of a country, students have right to go to school like many people, not just the rich. In Vietnam, for example, there are many scholarships available from universities to disadvantaged students such as the Foreign Trade University and the scholarship students are those who enter with high scores. Providing free education to that person may have great positive results for the society and it is pretty common that educated people those have grown in poor families become more successful than others. Nevertheless, offering free education for all is not practicable. Firstly, this greatly affects the spending of teachers and school staffs. Few government can successfully afford these colossal expenses without charging any fees. It is the fact that the government’s enormous budget on education, infrastructure development in other vital sectors such as health care, accommodation, transport and the like will suffer immensely. As such, it will not benefit people as expected because people will enjoy advanced facilities in one field but will be famished or deprived in the other, due to the government’s lack of a balanced approach in its expenditures. In conclusion, making education free for everyone has a wide range of benefits. I believe ensuring education for all is a prerequisite to the development of a nation, but the government should have proper policies because offering free to all is not a valid and pragmatic approach to achieving this goal, as it engenders greater drawbacks than upsides.
In the modern world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is actually crucial to humanity, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to gain an enormous fund of knowledge, achieve career goals and set personal. To lead a happy and prosperous life, an individual needs to study and obtain a great job to be successful in life. Due to poverty or financial support, there are
still
a huge number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who cannot learn and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
even basic understanding like ability to write or to read. In my opinion, I subscribe to the view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
for difficult circumstances,
especially
the poor,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not all social classes.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the biggest advantages of imposing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is that not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
economic system,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the nation will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
and developed. If
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have the opportunity to obtain
Possible spelling mistake found.
well-qualificated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, countries will have more talents contributing to necessary fields.
Furthermore
, as citizens of a country,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have right to go to school like
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
the rich. In Vietnam,
for example
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
scholarships available from universities to disadvantaged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
such as the Foreign Trade University and the scholarship
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are those who enter with high scores. Providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
to that person may have great
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
results for the society and it is pretty common that educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
those have grown in poor families become more successful than others.

Nevertheless
, offering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
for all is not practicable.
Firstly
, this
greatly
affects the spending of teachers and school staffs. Few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can
successfully
afford these colossal expenses without charging any fees. It is the fact that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government’s
enormous budget on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, infrastructure development in other vital sectors such as health care, accommodation, transport and the like will suffer
immensely
. As such, it will not benefit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will enjoy advanced facilities in one field
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
will
be famished
or deprived in the other, due to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government’s
lack of a balanced approach in its expenditures.

In conclusion
, making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
for everyone has a wide range of benefits. I believe ensuring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
for all is a prerequisite to the development of a nation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should have proper policies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
offering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
to all is not a valid and pragmatic approach to achieving this goal, as it engenders greater drawbacks than upsides.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays young people are admiring media and sports stars, even though they do not set a good example. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
389 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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