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Some people say that physical education classes are an important part of a child'education. Others believe that it is more important to focus on academics during school time. discuss both views and give your opinion v.1

Some people say that physical education classes are an important part of a child'education. Others believe that it is more important to focus on academics during school time. 1
Opinions differ as to whether physical education is a critical subject of system education or student should concentrate on academics while they study at school. I do think both views are reasonable as each has its own merits. It is certainly true that students need to learn physical education at school. The main reason why students should learn physical education at school is it is important for their healthy growth and development. For example, in this class, the student is required to learn basketball, volleyball, swimming, etc. As a result, they would have good health and fit body. Another upside of the physical education class is to help students relieve stress and anxiety. Because school life is hectic for every individual. For instance, the student can play sports or attend many interesting outdoor activities in this class. This might help students relax after stressful academic classes. Nevertheless, there are several benefits for students to focus on academic classes. Since academic classes widen student’s knowledge in a variety of fields. Such as students can learn how to calculate in mathematics classes or they can learn about the location, economy, culture of many countrysides in all around the world. Besides, students who learn academic subjects well at school might have a better future. Because they are provided full of the necessary knowledge that need for their future life. And Students achieving high results at school would have opportunities to find a well-paid job. In conclusion, I believe that also many advantages of physical education regarding the healthy growth and development and the decreasing stress and anxiety. However, there are several plus points to concentrate on academics during school time in terms of widening children's knowledge and also helping students have a better future.
Opinions differ
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether", or rephrase the sentence to avoid "as to".
as to whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is a critical subject of system
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
should concentrate on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academics
while they study at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. I do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
both views are reasonable as each has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
merits.

It is
certainly
true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. The main reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for their healthy growth and development.
For example
, in this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
is required
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
basketball, volleyball, swimming, etc.
As a result
, they would have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
health and fit body. Another upside of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
relieve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and anxiety.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
life is hectic for every individual.
For instance
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
can play sports or attend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
interesting outdoor activities in this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
. This might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
relax after stressful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
classes.

Nevertheless
, there are several benefits for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
.
“Since” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
widen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student’s
knowledge in a variety of fields. Such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
how to calculate in mathematics
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
classes or
they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
about the location, economy, culture of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countrysides in all around the world.
Besides
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
subjects well at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
might have a better future.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
they
are provided
full of the necessary knowledge that need for their future life. And
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
achieving high results at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
would have opportunities to find a well-paid job.

In conclusion
, I believe that
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
regarding the healthy growth and development and the decreasing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and anxiety.
However
, there are several plus points to concentrate on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academics
during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
time in terms of widening children's knowledge and
also
helping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have a better future.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some people say that physical education classes are an important part of a child'education. Others believe that it is more important to focus on academics during school time. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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