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Some people view teenager conflicts with their parents as a necessary part of growing up, whist others see it something negative which should be avoided. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.2

Some people view teenager conflicts with their parents as a necessary part of growing up, whist others see it something negative which should be avoided. v. 2
There is no doubt that as the children grow, they have more disputes with their parents. While, some part of society believes these conflicts to be dangerous, however, I ponder that certain clashes are important, so that children can present their viewpoint too. To begin with, the reason why people think such incompatibilities to be a problem is that these disparities build not only a conversation gap, but trust issues also. For instance, scolding and punishing a child for his choice of cloth, friends, and some habits, may result in a situation, where youngsters would prefer to hide the things that parents need to know, which may lead the path towards the danger. In contrast, if parents calmly observe the deeds and presents a logical explanation of those issues while discussing with their children, considering the adolescent's point as well, then the results could be better. On the flip side, I think there are myriad advantages of these conversations: firstly, the juvenile develops his logical thinking, look about the odds and even, before forming an opinion. To exemplify, a toddler may thoroughly refuse to follow the religious myth being followed by his family, either by doing research or by actively thinking. Secondly, such children may not hesitate to raise their voice against any type of violence in the future. Finally, they have a better future and are more mature in comparison to other children of their age, as they are parented in a way in which they analyse before reacting. In conclusion, I wrap it all by saying, although there is a minute risk of loosing connection with the offspring in the arguments, but if they are allowed to think and form their own views, then it could bring good results.
There is no doubt that as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
grow, they have more disputes with their parents. While,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
part of society believes these conflicts to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
,
however
, I ponder that certain clashes are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can present their viewpoint too.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the reason why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
such incompatibilities to be a problem is that these disparities build not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a conversation gap,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
trust issues
also
.
For instance
, scolding and punishing a child for his choice of cloth, friends, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
habits, may result in a situation, where youngsters would prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hide
the things that parents need to know
If " which" starts an indirect question, you do not need to put a comma before it.
, which
may lead the path towards the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
.
In contrast
, if parents
calmly
observe the deeds and presents a logical explanation of those issues while discussing with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, considering the adolescent's point
as well
, then the results could be better.

On the flip side, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
there are myriad advantages of these conversations:
firstly
, the juvenile develops his logical thinking, look about the odds and even,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
forming an opinion. To exemplify, a toddler may
thoroughly
refuse to follow the religious myth
being followed
by his family, either by doing research or by
actively
thinking.
Secondly
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may not hesitate to raise their voice against any type of violence in the future.
Finally
, they have a better future and are more mature
in comparison
to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
of their age, as they
are parented
in a way in which they
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
reacting.

In conclusion
, I wrap it all by saying, although there is a minute
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of loosing connection with the offspring in the arguments,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
and form their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
views, then it could bring
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
results.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people view teenager conflicts with their parents as a necessary part of growing up, whist others see it something negative which should be avoided. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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