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Soon people who cannot work with computers will be disadvantaged. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Soon people who cannot work with computers will be disadvantaged. v. 1
Owing to the burgeoning development in technology, computers are extensively used in all sectors of life. It is believed by many that, in future, people those who will not have knowledge of computers will lack behind and I completely agree to this notion. To embark on, in this technological era, every organization is putting emphasis on turning their operations automated. For this reason, these smart machines now have become ubiquitous and can be seen at each and every place we visit. For instance, computers are widely used in banks, government offices, hospitals, schools, universities etcetera. Thus, the individuals who remain deprived from computer awareness will not be able to secure a handsome job in these fields. Another point to consider is the deadly combination of internet with computers. The advent of World Wide Web has brought the mammoth information available at the humans’ finger tips. So in order to keep oneself updated one, must be able to operate computers, otherwise, they would have to rely on others for even small tasks. Moreover, it is worth mentioning that now, even in rural areas, computers are massively utilized by populace to access online shopping websites, food sites, online ticket booking, searching information and for huge number of other applications. The people of all age groups are increasingly becoming dependent on this smart machine to accomplish their umpteen tasks. In other words, the computer has become indispensable to humans. Therefore, any person, who is unable to handle this machine, would definitely face numerous hurdles in his/her day to day life. In conclusion, it is undeniable to accept that computers have become an absolute imperative for humans. In my opinion the people lagging in computer knowledge will certainly encounter a number of difficulties even in their small chores and would get disadvantaged.
Owing to the burgeoning development in technology, computers are
extensively
used
in all sectors of life. It
is believed
by
many
that,
in future
,
people
those who will not have knowledge of computers will lack behind and I completely
agree
to this notion.

To embark on, in this technological era, every organization is putting emphasis on turning their operations automated.
For this reason
, these smart machines
now
have become ubiquitous and can be
seen
at each and every place we visit.
For instance
, computers are
widely
used
in banks,
government
offices, hospitals, schools, universities etcetera.
Thus
, the individuals who remain
deprived from
computer awareness will not be able to secure a handsome job in these fields. Another point to consider is the deadly combination of internet with computers. The advent of World Wide Web has brought the mammoth information available at the humans’ finger tips.
So
in order to
keep
oneself updated one,
must
be able to operate computers,
otherwise
, they would
have to
rely on others for even
small
tasks.

Moreover
, it is worth mentioning that
now
, even in rural areas, computers are
massively
utilized by populace to access online shopping websites, food sites, online ticket booking, searching information and for huge number of other applications. The
people
of all age groups are
increasingly
becoming dependent on this smart machine to accomplish their umpteen tasks.
In other words
, the computer has become indispensable to humans.
Therefore
, any person, who is unable to handle this machine, would definitely face numerous hurdles in his/her
day to day
life.

In conclusion
, it is undeniable to accept that computers have become an absolute imperative for humans. In my opinion the
people
lagging in computer knowledge will
certainly
encounter a number of difficulties even in their
small
chores and would
get
disadvantaged.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay Soon people who cannot work with computers will be disadvantaged. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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