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Some people say that people should have a different amount of holidays according to their job. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.3

Some people say that people should have a different amount of holidays according to their job. with this opinion? v. 3
It is often argued that the duration of holidays awarded to employees should be in accordance with the type of their work. I fully agree with this view. This is because of so many reasons, which are clearly explained in the following paragraphs. Some jobs are physically and emotionally more taxing than other jobs. For instance, people working in the armed forces require more holidays. Since they are more likely to work in places far away from their home, it is essential to give them a few months of holidays per year. This enables them to spend some time with their family and rejuvenate themselves. Likewise, people working on oil rigs or construction sites need more off days to stay physically and mentally healthy. Hence, it is essential to take into account the nature of the job while determining the amount of holidays each employee should get. On the flip side, people working in the same office should be given the same amount of holidays regardless of their designation provided that the nature of the occupation is the same. For example, if the manager is given more holidays than lower level employees, it may create resentment among the latter. Also, if the manager or the supervisor goes on holidays too frequently, it will affect the productivity of the organization because of the communication gap between them and other employees. Thus, it is essential to avoid such situations by giving the same number of holidays to all the people whose job requirements are more or less the same. In conclusion, I agree with the argument that the nature of the job should be the main criterion used for determining the number of holidays each employee gets. Employees performing the same kind of jobs should get the same number of holidays regardless of their position in the organizational hierarchy.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that the duration of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
awarded to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
should be in accordance with the type of their work. I
fully
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons, which are
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
in the following paragraphs.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are
physically
and
emotionally
more taxing than other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
working in the armed forces require more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
. Since they are more likely to work in places far away from their home, it is essential to give them a few months of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
per year. This enables them to spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time with their family and rejuvenate themselves.
Likewise
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
working on oil rigs or construction sites need more off days to stay
physically
and mentally healthy.
Hence
, it is essential to take into account the nature of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
while determining the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
.

On the flip side,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
working in the same office should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the same amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
regardless of their designation provided that the nature of the occupation is the same.
For example
, if the manager is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
than lower level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
, it may create resentment among the latter.
Also
, if the manager or the supervisor goes on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
too
frequently
, it will affect the productivity of the organization
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the communication gap between them and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
.
Thus
, it is essential to avoid such situations by giving the same number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
to all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
whose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
requirements are more or less the same.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the argument that the nature of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
should be the main criterion
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for determining the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Employees
performing the same kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the same number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
regardless of their position in the organizational hierarchy.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Some people say that people should have a different amount of holidays according to their job. with this opinion? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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