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Some people say that people should have a different amount of holidays according to their job. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.4

Some people say that people should have a different amount of holidays according to their job. with this opinion? v. 4
The development of industrialisation and the amazing improvement of working efficiency render people more chances to enjoy holidays in the current society. Suppose you are making a trip to a place totally strange to you, the first thing you do is to find yourself accommodation and lodging. But you will feel disappointed the moment you arrive at the situation that all the hotels, restaurants, stores and even banks are closed because of an important holiday, such as Christmas day or Thanksgiving. At this moment, you are in the same boat as Robinson Crusoe, who was abandoned on a lonely island without any help or hope. To erase the embarrassment, some corporations and governments work out some flexible and feasible holiday policies, providing people with convenience. Shifting is often adopted by factories and manufacturers because it guarantees timely fulfilment of production targets and orders on the one hand and gives employees sufficient time for relaxation on the other. If needed, employees have to work overtime, with a bonus as a compensation for the holiday they missed. For banks and other public services, things are quite different. Holidays are prime time for supermarkets, department stores, restaurants and retailers. Some people like holding parties or having feasts with their friends at the weekend and other people prefer to go shopping in department stores, which will take great profits to merchandisers. With large amounts of cash flow, banks must keep open from Monday to Sunday. Teachers enjoy very long holidays during an academic year because they can prepare their lectures and lessons for the new semester and relax during the holidays. Long holidays are not only beneficial to teachers health but also to the students. Considering the different characteristics of people's job, I think that different people should have different amounts of holidays. At the first sight, this idea sounds unfair. But on second thoughts, it is reasonable and understandable.
The development of
Possible spelling mistake. 'industrialisation' is British English.
industrialisation
and the amazing improvement of working efficiency render
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more chances to enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
society. Suppose you are making a trip to a place
totally
strange to you, the
first
thing you do is to find yourself accommodation and lodging.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
you will feel disappointed the moment you arrive at the situation that all the hotels, restaurants, stores and even banks
are closed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holiday
, such as Christmas day or Thanksgiving. At this moment, you are in the same boat as Robinson Crusoe, who
was abandoned
on a lonely island without any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
or hope.

To erase the embarrassment,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
corporations and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
work out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
flexible and feasible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holiday
policies, providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with convenience. Shifting is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
adopted by factories and manufacturers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it guarantees timely
Possible spelling mistake. 'fulfilment' is British English.
fulfilment
of production targets and orders on the one hand and gives employees sufficient time for relaxation on the other. If needed, employees
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work overtime, with a bonus as a compensation for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holiday
they missed.

For banks and other public services, things are quite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Holidays
are prime time for supermarkets, department stores, restaurants and retailers.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like holding parties or having feasts with their friends at the weekend and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to go shopping in department stores, which will take great profits to merchandisers. With large amounts of cash flow, banks
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
open from Monday to Sunday.

Teachers enjoy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
during an academic year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can prepare their lectures and lessons for the new semester and relax during the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
. Long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
beneficial to teachers health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to the students.

Considering the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
characteristics of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's job, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
amounts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
. At the
first
sight, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
sounds unfair.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
on second thoughts, it is reasonable and understandable.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that people should have a different amount of holidays according to their job. with this opinion? v. 4

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
316 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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