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Many people prefer to spend their holidays staying at home and doing things that they usually can’t do because of a busy schedule. Others, however, prefer to get away from their usual routine and prefer to spend time in a different location in a hotel, camping in the countryside or visiting other cities. Which one according to you is the better way of spending an ideal holiday? What are the benefits of going away on holidays? v.2

Many people prefer to spend their holidays staying at home and doing things that they usually can’t do because of a busy schedule. Others, however, prefer to get away from their usual routine and prefer to spend time in a different location in a hotel, camping in the countryside or visiting other cities. Which one according to you is the better way of spending an ideal holiday? What are the benefits of going away on holidays? v. 2
Today's fast moving and the competitive world make one  very busy in their work. To relax from their busy working life, people take holidays. Some people feel comfortable with just staying at home, whereas, some want to go away from their home and stay in the countryside or in a hotel. I will discuss both points in the below paragraph. On one hand, some people like to stay at home instead of going out during holidays. This is because they feel more relaxed at home. For going out they should plan in advance. Also, it requires quite an amount of money for travelling, accommodation, food etc. Also, if there is a small kid in the family it is risky to go out, as kids are more sensitive to climate change and outside food. Also, they feel little insecure from thieves, to leave their home locked. By staying at home, people can spend more time with their family members, which is not normally possible during working days. Furthermore, by staying at home people can do some household works together, to help their partners. On the other hand, some feel happier to go out on holidays. Due to the boom in the tourism industry, they can get holiday packages at the best rates. Also, people who travel countryside feel more relaxed due to fresh weather, compared to the polluted city environment. Besides, they can discover new places and children can learn new things about the places. Also, when they stay away from the home and office, they are isolated from routine worries. Furthermore, when family members go out together, it will reduce the friction between the family members if any. Nowadays, we can see many people take treatment for stress by going to the country sides like Madikeri, Coorg, Munnar etc. in holidays. To sum up, staying away from home during the holidays will not only give physical relief but also, give mental satisfaction. So, I personally feel during holidays, staying away from home is much better compared to staying at home.
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Today
's
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
moving and the competitive world
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make
one
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very
busy in their work. To relax from their busy working life,
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people
take
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holidays
.
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Some
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people
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feel
comfortable with
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just
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staying
at home, whereas,
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some
want to go
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away
from their home and stay in the countryside or in a hotel. I will discuss both points in the below paragraph.

On one hand,
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some
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people
like to stay at home
instead
of going out during
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holidays
. This is
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because
they
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feel
more relaxed at home. For going out they should plan in advance.
Also
, it requires quite an amount of money for travelling, accommodation, food etc.
Also
, if there is a
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small
kid in the
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family
it is risky to go out, as kids are more sensitive to climate
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change
and outside food.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
Also
, they
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feel
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little
insecure from thieves, to
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leave
their home locked. By
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staying
at home,
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people
can spend more time with their
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family
members, which is not
normally
possible during working days.
Furthermore
, by
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staying
at home
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people
can do
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some
household works together, to
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help
their partners.

On the other hand
,
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some
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feel
happier to go out on
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holidays
. Due to the boom in the tourism industry, they can
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get
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holiday
packages at the best rates.
Also
,
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people
who travel countryside
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feel
more relaxed due to fresh weather, compared to the polluted city environment.
Besides
, they can discover new places and children can learn new things about the places.
Also
, when they stay
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away
from the home and office, they
are isolated
from routine worries.
Furthermore
, when
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family
members go out together, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the friction between the
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family
members if any. Nowadays, we can
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see
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many
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people
take treatment for
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stress
by going to the country sides like
Possible spelling mistake found.
Madikeri
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Coorg
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Munnar
etc. in holidays.

To sum up,
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staying
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away
from home during the
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holidays
will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
give physical relief
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but
also
, give mental satisfaction.
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So
, I
personally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
away
from home is much better compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staying
at home.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS essay Many people prefer to spend their holidays staying at home and doing things that they usually can’t do because of a busy schedule. Others, however, prefer to get away from their usual routine and prefer to spend time in a different location in a hotel, camping in the countryside or visiting other cities. Which one according to you is the better way of spending an ideal holiday? What are the benefits of going away on holidays? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
340 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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