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Some people say that people should have a different amount of holidays according to their job. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.2

Some people say that people should have a different amount of holidays according to their job. with this opinion? v. 2
Of late, different types of jobs have emerged in the market along with the impressing need to take a break from their routine schedule. Due to this, it is often argued by some individuals that the number of holidays should be in accordance with the nature and the type of job. I strongly agree with this view. To commence with, some jobs are much more arduous in terms of work timings, schedules, and manual labour. For instance, jobs pertaining to mining industries and oil rigs are much more laborious as it requires the employees to put in their full energy to work every day. Consequently, the health and energy of the employee get affected thereby making them prone to diseases. Therefore, to rejuvenate themselves and to have a proper health screening, the additional amount of holidays is required. Hence, it is essential to take into consideration the nature of the job while determining the number of holidays for each job type. On the flip side, there are certain set of jobs, usually called white-collar jobs, where less or no amount of manual work is required. These jobs are basically fixed-timings office jobs. For example, a receptionist or librarian job requires minimal or no hard work in their daily routine. Furthermore, owing to their fixed timings, they hardly face any hardships to manage their work-life balance and to take care of their health. These types of jobs can be granted a lesser number of holidays as compared to former types of jobs. In conclusion, I agree with the argument that the nature and type of job should be the main criterion used for determining the number of holidays. Therefore, the government should frame the time off policies for different job categories diligently by taking into account of their complexities.
Of late,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
types
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
have emerged in the market along with the impressing need to take a break from their routine schedule. Due to this, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
should be in accordance with the nature and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
type
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view.

To commence with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are much more arduous in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
timings, schedules, and manual
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
pertaining to mining industries and oil rigs are much more laborious as it requires the employees to put in their full energy to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
every day.
Consequently
, the health and energy of the employee
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
thereby making them prone to diseases.
Therefore
, to rejuvenate themselves and to have a proper health screening, the additional amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
is required
.
Hence
, it is essential to take into consideration the nature of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
while determining the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
for each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
type.

On the flip side, there are certain set of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
,
usually
called white-collar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, where less or no amount of manual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is required
. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are
basically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
-timings office
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
For example
, a receptionist or librarian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
requires minimal or no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in their daily routine.
Furthermore
, owing to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
timings, they hardly face any hardships to manage their work-life balance and to take care of their health. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
types
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
can
be granted
a lesser
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
as compared to former
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
types
of jobs.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the argument that the nature and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
type
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
should be the main criterion
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for determining the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
.
Therefore
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should frame the time off policies for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
categories
diligently
by taking into account of their complexities.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that people should have a different amount of holidays according to their job. with this opinion? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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