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Some people believe that tourist should accept social and environmental responsibility while other believe that tourists should not accept any responsibility at all. To what extent do you agree or disagree. v.1

Some people believe that tourist should accept social and environmental responsibility while other believe that tourists should not accept any responsibility at all. v. 1
Being a part of this modern scenario, the tourism industry is burgeoning day by day due to globalisation. Some people think that visitors should embrace social and environmental onus. I definitely agree with this notion because tourist has many negative impacts on local people and I will discuss this argue in following paragraphs. To commence with, the predominant reason why tourist should be responsible is that many tourist destinations are endangered now because of the pollution spread by the holidaymakers. For instance, the Sukhna Lake in Chandigarh, which is a popular tourist spot, but in the present era, it's look so badly as the visitors threw the Wrappers and plastic bottles due to this many people stopped going there. So that, the local people and the government cannot handle such situation without any contribution of tourists. Further and even more importantly, traveller do umpteen negative effects on local people by their language and clothes. When they visit at some places with the western dresses, then people are like to follow them going to they make difference in their personal tradition. What is more, they also prefer to speak another language, but it is very dangerous for the next generations and they would deprive from their culture. Evidence of this provided by last year survey in India and it proved that 70% of individuals start to speak in second language due to this happening In conclusion, I think that tourists must take responsibility to accept local culture. Otherwise, it can harm the environment and tradition of non-native countries.
Being a part of this modern scenario, the tourism industry is burgeoning day by day due to
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that visitors should embrace social and environmental onus. I definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this notion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and I will discuss
The verb 'argue' is plural. Did you mean: "this argues"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
this argue
in following paragraphs.

To commence with, the predominant reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
should be responsible is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
destinations
are endangered
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the pollution spread by the holidaymakers.
For instance
, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sukhna
Lake in Chandigarh, which is a popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
spot,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in the present era, it's look
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
badly
as the visitors threw the Wrappers and plastic bottles due to this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
going there.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
cannot handle such situation without any contribution of tourists.

Further
and even more
importantly
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
traveller
do umpteen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
by their language and clothes. When they visit at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
places with the western dresses, then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are like to follow them going to they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
difference in their personal tradition.
What is more
, they
also
prefer to speak another language,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
for the
next
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
generations and
they would
The usual collocation for "deprive" is "of" not "". Did you mean "deprive of"?
deprive from
their culture. Evidence of this provided by last year survey in India and it proved that 70% of individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to speak in second language due to this
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
happening


In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
take responsibility to accept
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
culture.
Otherwise
, it can harm the environment and tradition of non-native countries.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that tourist should accept social and environmental responsibility while other believe that tourists should not accept any responsibility at all. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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