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Exposure to international media such as films, TV and magazines has a significant impact on local cultures. What do you think has been the impact? v.2

Exposure to international media such as films, TV and magazines has a significant impact on local cultures. What do you think has been the impact? v. 2
It is well known that media globalisation such as movies, TV and magazines have great effects on internal cultures. It highly influences the cultures formation and a massive change is observed through nation’s behaviours. Although globalisation through media has many advantages that put people around the world altogether, we cannot avoid some disadvantages to being conveyed. Media is a good carrier of knowledge and information. It saves time for the learner to acquire new science or even help him to create ideas. Also help in countries development, whenever a country mimics successful plans of other countries, like the United European organisation where the countries involved in this organisation exchange news of flourishment and high achievements. We can also see that people living in different countries watch same programs and read same magazines are able to get closer, however, far they are. They can also exchange languages and habits of different cultures, and easily understand each other. And though, somebody can go anywhere and meet with his best friend or even with his soul-mate where common thoughts meet. On the other hand, media has some disadvantages that we cannot avoid, and I believe that children are getting the greatest percent of loss there are some impolite scenes transferred to their pure minds, from where catalyses bad thoughts. In addition, nowadays, there are research studies that justify the opinion of most watched TV increases the percentage of stupidity and foolishness. It also does not give the children or teenagers to practice beneficial activities and be more productive to their society. One more bad consequence of media prevail is that it weakens the relations between the individual and family or friends. One is less able to communicate with people around him and share wonderful moments. There will be no good memories to accompany him in elderly and hard times. To sum up, we can conclude that media shows obvious change on a variety of cultures and generates new disciplinary of living ways. However, we should not go in deep with it and we should entertain it within the limit to avoid its drawbacks.
It is well known that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
such as movies, TV and magazines have great effects on internal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
. It
highly
influences the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
formation and a massive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
is observed
through nation’s
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
. Although
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages that put
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
around the world altogether, we cannot avoid
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages to
being conveyed
.

Media is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
carrier of knowledge and information. It saves time for the learner to acquire new science or even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
him to create
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
.
Also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
development, whenever a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
mimics successful plans of other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, like the United European
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
involved in this
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
exchange news of
Possible spelling mistake found.
flourishment
and high achievements. We can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
living in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
same programs and read same magazines are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
closer,
however
, far they are. They can
also
exchange languages and habits of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
, and
easily
understand each other. And though, somebody can go anywhere and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
with his best friend or even with his soul-mate where common thoughts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages that we cannot avoid, and I believe that children are getting the greatest percent of loss there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
impolite scenes transferred to their pure minds, from where catalyses
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
thoughts.
In addition
, nowadays, there are research studies that justify the opinion of most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
TV increases the percentage of stupidity and foolishness. It
also
does not give the children or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
to practice beneficial activities and be more productive to their society. One more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
consequence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
prevail is that it weakens the relations between the individual and family or friends. One is less able to communicate with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
around him and share wonderful moments. There will be no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
memories to accompany him in elderly and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
times.

To sum up, we can conclude that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
obvious
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
on a variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and generates new disciplinary of living ways.
However
, we should not go in deep with
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
it and
we should entertain it within the limit to avoid its drawbacks.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Exposure to international media such as films, TV and magazines has a significant impact on local cultures. What do you think has been the impact? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
350 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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