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Exposure to international media such as films, TV and magazines has a significant impact on local cultures. What do you think has been the impact? v.3

Exposure to international media such as films, TV and magazines has a significant impact on local cultures. What do you think has been the impact? v. 3
There is no doubt that today we are living in a global village where people all around the world listen to the same types of music, watch similar movies, television programmes and even many of us extends our interests to read books and magazines which were published in overseas. While some people have argued by these tendencies could destroy one country's culture and brings adverse effects on people lives, others oppose this notions completely. However, personally, I agree with the group of people who believe that its advantages outweigh its disadvantages for several reasons. In this essay, I will give some reasons to support my assertion. To begin with by looking at the advantages of these processes; firstly through television programmes, we could get a deeper knowledge of different cultures and diverse lifestyles. Secondly, if people spend the time to read books or to read magazines that were published on overseas then probably they would gain knowledge in a foreign language. Finally more we share our ideas and thoughts through media then more we understand each other. That will definitely help us to reduce the prejudice among nations. However, its disadvantages seem greater than its advantages. One is that nowadays people all around are influenced by the international media. Consequently, many of us are trying to imitate the lifestyles of other cultures that will lead to cultural erosion of a country. Another point is that our identities are being lost due to the over exposure to international media. For example in these days, people all around the world have been trying to wear the dresses and costumes of the characters on the television programmes. This means that a majority of world people are trying the same fashions and trends and ultimately we are losing our culture and unique identities. To conclude I would like to reiterate that international media definitely help us to reduce the prejudice among nations and help us to gain knowledge in different languages as well as in different cultures. However I believe that its merits outweigh by its demerits owing to the fact that it would bring significant amounts of threats to one country's culture and a threat to our identities, those factors are unavoidable aspects of our humanity.
There is no doubt that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
we are living in a global village where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
all around the world listen to the same types of music,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
similar movies, television
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
and even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of us extends our interests to read books and magazines which
were published
in overseas. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have argued by these tendencies could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
one country's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and brings adverse effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
lives
, others oppose
Did you mean "these"?
this
notions completely.
However
,
personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who believe that its advantages outweigh its disadvantages for several reasons. In this essay, I will give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons to support my assertion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with by looking at the advantages of these processes;
firstly
through television
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
, we could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a deeper knowledge of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and diverse lifestyles.
Secondly
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend the time to read books or to read magazines that
were published
on overseas then
probably
they would gain knowledge in a foreign language.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Finally
more we share our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and thoughts through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
then more we understand each other. That will definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the prejudice among nations.

However
, its disadvantages seem greater than its advantages. One is that nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
all around
are influenced
by the international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
.
Consequently
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of us are trying to imitate the lifestyles of other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
that will lead to cultural erosion of a country. Another point is that our identities are
being lost
due to the over exposure to international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
.
For example
in these days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
all around the world have been trying to wear the dresses and costumes of the characters on the television
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
. This means that a majority of world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are trying the same fashions and trends and
ultimately
we are losing our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and unique identities.

To conclude
I would like to reiterate that international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the prejudice among nations and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to gain knowledge in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
languages
as well
as in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
I believe that its merits outweigh by its demerits owing to the fact that it would bring significant amounts of threats to one country's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and a threat to our identities, those factors are unavoidable aspects of our humanity.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Exposure to international media such as films, TV and magazines has a significant impact on local cultures. What do you think has been the impact? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
373 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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