Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people say that parents should places restrictions on the hours their children spend watching TV and playing computer games, and encourage them to spend this time reading books instead. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people say that parents should places restrictions on the hours their children spend watching TV and playing computer games, and encourage them to spend this time reading books instead. v. 1
There are some people who believe that the amount of time children spend in front of their TV and computer should be limited by their parents. They also think that it is better for youngsters to read books instead. I completely agree with this opinion since there are lots of benefits of reading books while watching TV and playing computer games are not good for children in any way. The advantages of reading are not limited to entertainment. First of all, a child who reads often is able to adapt quickly to his environment. For instance, Charlie, who is the 7-year-old son of my neighbour, was able to make two friends on the day his family moved to my neighbourhood. Secondly, reading boosts a child's intellect as he learns important things about life such as what mistakes people usually do and how to avoid them. This is because there are many biographies and autobiographies, which, most of the time, are about the challenges that the writers faced and how they overcame them. Even though watching TV and playing computer games are more entertaining than reading, they can cause harm to children in many ways. Firstly, spending too much time in front of a TV or a computer screen prevents children, and sometimes even adults, from falling asleep. Eventually, they will develop insomnia, a disease that causes a person to feel sleepy in the morning instead of at night. Secondly, most TV shows and computer games contain violence, which is extremely inappropriate for children under the age of 18. If exposed, disturbing content may lead to aggressive behaviour in young people and in worse cases, children might become criminals when they grow up. Although it is fun for children to watch television and play video games, they should do so with the guidance of their parents. At the same time, they should also be encouraged to spend time reading books.
There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who believe that the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend in front of their TV and computer should
be limited
by their parents. They
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is better for youngsters to read books
instead
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion since there are lots of benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
books while watching TV and playing computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in any way.

The advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
are not limited to entertainment.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, a child who reads
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
is able to adapt
quickly
to his environment.
For instance
, Charlie, who is the 7-year-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
son of my
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbour' is British English.
neighbour
, was able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
two friends on the day his family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
to my
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
boosts a child's intellect as he learns
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
things about life such as what mistakes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
usually
do and how to avoid them. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
biographies and autobiographies, which, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, are about the challenges that the writers faced and how they overcame them.

Even though
watching TV and playing computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are more entertaining than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
, they can cause harm to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways.
Firstly
, spending too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in front of a TV or a computer screen
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
even adults, from falling asleep.
Eventually
, they will develop insomnia, a disease that causes a person to feel sleepy in the morning
instead
of at night.
Secondly
, most TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
and computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
contain violence, which is
extremely
inappropriate for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
under the age of 18. If exposed, disturbing content may lead to aggressive
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
in young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and in worse cases,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
might become criminals when they grow up.

Although it is fun for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
television and play video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, they should do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
with the guidance of their parents. At the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, they should
also
be encouraged
to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
books.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that parents should places restrictions on the hours their children spend watching TV and playing computer games, and encourage them to spend this time reading books instead. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
319 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts