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Some people say that parents should limit their hours of watching TV and playing computer games for children, but instead encourage to read books. Do you agree or disagree? v.3

Some people say that parents should limit their hours of watching TV and playing computer games for children, but instead encourage to read books. v. 3
Children are the best observer and they learn most by observing their parents. Some people claim that reason behind children watching more television and playing games on computer is, their parents are spending more time doing these activities. In order to control this behavior of children, parents will have to come forward and limit their watching TV. I completely agree to this point and this essay will put supporting ideas with examples. Television and computer become indispensable part of our life. However, exposing these technologies at early age will be dangerous for children' s overall development. Parents use these devices to release their stress after long working hours, but they don' t realize that children will gimmick their behavior which is harmful in long run. In particular, usage of computer game for children is so addictive that they won' t even realize that what they are doing to win the game. For example, a game launched last year was so addictive that, in order to complete the last level of it, children even attempted suicide by jumping from the buildings. In order to save child from such dangers, parents will have to set the example by leaving tv and adapting some beneficial habit like reading books. Then only they will be able to encourage their children to inculcate a positive habit of reading. As Mahatma Gandhi said once, change yourself before you try and change others will be exactly fit into this example. Reading brings many positives in child' s life, like, excel in study, depth in thought which will be useful for him in the future. In conclusion, there are myriad of advantages of building habit of reading instead of watching tv and playing computer games. To inculcate such habit in child' s life, parents will have to compromise their time spending on these things.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are the best
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
observer and
they learn most by observing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
claim that reason behind
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
watching more television and playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
on computer is, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are spending more time doing these activities. In order to control this behavior of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
forward and limit their watching TV. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to this point and this essay will put supporting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
with examples.

Television and computer become indispensable part of our life.
However
, exposing these technologies at early age will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
for
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s
overall
development.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
these devices to release their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
after long working hours,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
Possible spelling mistake found.
don&
#039; t realize that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will gimmick their behavior which is harmful in long run.
In particular
, usage of computer game for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
addictive that they
Possible spelling mistake found.
won&
#039; t even realize that what they are doing to win the game.
For example
, a game launched last year was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
addictive that, in order to complete the last level of it,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
even attempted suicide by jumping from the buildings.

In order to save child from such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
set the example by leaving
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
and adapting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
beneficial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habit
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
books. Then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
they will be able to encourage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to inculcate a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habit
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
. As Mahatma Gandhi said once,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
yourself
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
you
"Try and" is common in colloquial speech, but "try to" is recommended for writing.
try and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
others will be exactly fit into this example.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Reading
brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
positives in
Possible spelling mistake found.
child&
#039; s life, like, excel in study, depth in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
which will be useful for him in the future.

In conclusion
, there are myriad of advantages of building
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habit
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
instead
of watching
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
and playing computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. To inculcate such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habit
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
child&
#039; s life,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
compromise their time spending on these things.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that parents should limit their hours of watching TV and playing computer games for children, but instead encourage to read books. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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