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In some countries in Europe some children from the age of 11 or 13 go to schools to learn more practical skills that will help them get a job Other children stay in schools which provide a more general academic education What should schools do to prepare v.2

In some countries in Europe some children from the age of 11 or 13 go to schools to learn more practical skills that will help them get a job Other children stay in schools which provide a more general academic education What should schools do to prepare v. 2
Practise makes a man perfect. Particular age group of children in 11 or 13 shows interest to go to schools to enhance high practical skills to ease finding a job. While others remain in school to continue learning generic academic knowledge. Educational institutions should change the pattern of their syllabus preparing pupils for the bigger opportunities. Consequently, it will help students to be well equipped according to the demand in job opportunity in this competitive world. Undoubtedly, the world runs fast. Therefore, opportunities also flies quickly. That is, myriad opportunities seen in the past is very less nowadays. It is because of enormous practical knowledge children gained at the young age of 11 or 13 going to schools knocked their door with more opportunities than to the people who has gained common academic education, especially in some part of Europe. For example, every company offers jobs opportunity to an experience person than freshmen, therefore some schools it offers practical training programme on how to assemble mobile phones. As a result, showing their practical course certification, there are able to secure a job in mobile phone assembling company. Well, what happened to other age group of children? They have stayed in schools to learn general academic education it will not let them to stick to one opportunity instead knowing more in common on various field of work. In order to balance the job opportunity and knowledge amongst the children schools should offer more practical knowledge the same as theoretical knowledge according to the market demand. In a summary, schools should consider to revise the syllabus according to the market demand it benefit every age group children.
Possible spelling mistake. 'Practise' is British English.
Practise
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
perfect. Particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in 11 or 13
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
interest to go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
to enhance high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
finding a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
others remain in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
to continue learning generic academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
. Educational institutions should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the pattern of their syllabus preparing pupils for the bigger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
.
Consequently
, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
students to be
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well equipped
according to the demand in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunity
in this competitive world.

Undoubtedly
, the world runs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
also
flies
quickly
.
That is
, myriad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the past is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
less nowadays. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of enormous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
gained at the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 11 or 13 going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
knocked their door with more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
than to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
Did you mean "have", "haven"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'people' should be used.
has
gained common academic education,
especially
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
part of Europe.
For example
, every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
offers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunity
to an experience person than freshmen,
therefore
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
it offers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
training
Possible spelling mistake. 'programme' is British English.
programme
on how to assemble mobile phones.
As a result
, showing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
course certification, there are able to secure a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in mobile phone assembling
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. Well, what happened to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
? They have stayed in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
to learn general academic education it will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them to stick to one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunity
instead
knowing more in common on various field of work. In order to balance the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunity
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
amongst the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should offer more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
the same as theoretical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
according to the market demand.

In a summary,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should
The verb 'consider' is used with the gerund form: "consider revising".
consider to revise
the syllabus according to the market demand it benefit every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
39Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries in Europe some children from the age of 11 or 13 go to schools to learn more practical skills that will help them get a job Other children stay in schools which provide a more general academic education What should schools do to prepare v. 2

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
275 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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