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Some people believe that parents should limit their hours of watching TV and playing computer games for children, but instead encourage to read books. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people believe that parents should limit their hours of watching TV and playing computer games for children, but instead encourage to read books. v. 1
How should children spend their spare time has become a hot topic of discussion these days. Some people perceive that parents are accountable for limiting their youngsters’ hours on various recreational activities, such as TV and computer, and spending more time on reading books. In this essay, I shall discuss why I completely agree with idea even though there are some minor challenges associated with it. The crucial beneficial factor of encouraging children to read is that it enables children to better understand and grasp numerous social values, including respect, honesty and responsibility while reading. Additionally, they will also gain significant experiences that will reward them later on in the future. For example, a recent study conducted in Japan has revealed that children who had developed the habit of reading in their childhood tend to be more resilient and wise compared to their peers. Therefore, these advantages have a profound impact on children’s future. However, every coin has two sides. One main negative consequence of this idea is that their inner desire of reading could be reduced if they are only allowed to read in their personal time because learning through books might not be suitable for everyone. Take myself for example, I didn’t like reading but I had learnt many useful knowledge by watching some documentaries on the TV when I was a student in primary school. As can be seen, other recreational activities are also beneficial for children’s development once parents give the proper guidance. To sum up, people’s opinion towards what should children do when they are free is various. Taking everything into consideration, I’m inclined to say that encouraging youngsters to spend more time on books is an absolute imperative.
How should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend their spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
has become a hot topic of discussion these days.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
perceive that parents are accountable for limiting their youngsters’ hours on various recreational activities, such as TV and computer, and spending more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
books. In this essay, I shall discuss why I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
even though
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
minor challenges associated with it.

The crucial beneficial factor of encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to read is that it enables
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to better understand and grasp numerous social values, including respect, honesty and responsibility while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
.
Additionally
, they will
also
gain significant experiences that will reward them later on in the future.
For example
, a recent study conducted in Japan has revealed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who had developed the habit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
in their childhood tend to be more resilient and wise compared to their peers.
Therefore
, these advantages have a profound impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
future.

However
, every coin has two sides. One main
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequence of this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
is that their inner desire of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
if they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to read in their personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
learning through books might not be suitable for everyone. Take myself
for example
, I didn’t like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I had
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
useful knowledge by watching
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
documentaries on the TV when I was a student in primary school. As can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
, other recreational activities are
also
beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
development once parents give the proper guidance.

To sum up,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s opinion towards what should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do when they are free is various. Taking everything into consideration, I’m inclined to say that encouraging youngsters to spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on books is an absolute imperative.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that parents should limit their hours of watching TV and playing computer games for children, but instead encourage to read books. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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