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Some people believe that parents should limit their children hours of watching tv and playing computer games, but encourage to read books. Do you agree or disagree v.1

Some people believe that parents should limit their children hours of watching tv and playing computer games, but encourage to read books. v. 1
Flexibility is the key technology that has offered to us. Nowadays, people can watch movies over their smartphones or tablets, instead of going to the cinema. Whereas, for some it is much more fun to watch cinema in the theatre. In my opinion, both options are a win win situation and it gives chances to everyone to enjoy movies, either sitting at home or at the movie hall. Firstly, I want to mention that watching movies in theatre is really exciting and thrilling. No matter how good data pack or surround sound system you have at home, you cannot get the actual thrilling effect sitting at home. Secondly, the relaxing environment, those popcorns and the ambience Cinema hall offers, can't be created at home. We need not to worry about food while watching a movie in the theatre. As we can get it at nominal prices in theatre and all we need to do is just relax and enjoy. However, the other option, of staying at home and to watch movies either on your mobile or smart tablet is not that bad. This is a popular alternative, amongst lazy people or people who want lazy weekend and still want to watch movie. Sometimes, it is not just about being lazy, but about giving the priority. Like in my case, where I have a 5month old baby and I love watching movies. I just cannot step out of home because I can't take her out for a movie along with me and I cannot keep her alone at home. So, this is the best solution I have and I must say it works pretty well for me. In the conclusion, it is upon individual to decide whether they prefer to watch movies in the Cinema Hall or at home on their smartphones or tablets, depending upon their priorities and choice.
Flexibility is the key technology that has offered to us. Nowadays,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
over their smartphones or tablets,
instead
of going to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
. Whereas, for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
it is much more fun to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
. In my opinion, both options are a
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
win win
situation and it gives chances to everyone to enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
, either sitting at home or at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
hall.

Firstly
, I want to mention that watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
in
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
is
really
exciting and thrilling. No matter how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
data pack or surround sound system you have at home, you cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the actual thrilling effect sitting at home.
Secondly
, the relaxing environment, those
Possible spelling mistake found.
popcorns
and the ambience
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Cinema
hall offers, can't
be created
at home. We need not
Did you mean "worry"?
to worry
about food while watching a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
. As we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
it at nominal prices in
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
and all we need to do is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
relax and enjoy.

However
, the other option, of staying at home and to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
either on your mobile or smart tablet is not that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
. This is a popular alternative, amongst lazy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who want lazy weekend and
still
want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
, it is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
about being lazy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
about giving the priority. Like in my case, where I have a 5month
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
baby and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
. I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
cannot step out of home
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I can't take her out for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
along with me and I cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
her alone at home.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, this is the best solution I have and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
say it works pretty well for me.

In the conclusion, it is upon individual to decide whether they prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Cinema
Hall or at home on their smartphones or tablets, depending upon their priorities and choice.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Some people believe that parents should limit their children hours of watching tv and playing computer games, but encourage to read books. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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