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Some people say that parents should encouraged their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both these views and give you v.2

Some people say that parents should encouraged their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. 2
Some parents opine that children must participate in collective recreational activities in their leisure time. Others oppose this view, and parents believe that children must learn to be self-reliant. I strongly adhere to the school of thought that children need to be guided on using their time effectively. In this essay, both the viewpoints will be discussed. On one hand, parents tend to go over-board with enrolling their children into numerous outdoor activities. Generally speaking, hobby activities such as dance classes, swimming lessons, robotics classes, and sports which help them to learn important skills like coordination and cooperation. This prepares them for the future because they already know how to work with a group of people and have good team spirit. Both qualities are essential for success in the workplace. On the other hand, parents who are working, may not be able to afford the time or money to let their children participate in group events. There are times when a child is left alone. For example, his friends could be busy with their studies and cannot play with him. Since such situations can arise every now and then, every child should be able to keep themselves occupied doing their own things. For instance, they could read, write or paint. These activities not only keep them engaged but also help them discover their hidden talents. In my view, a child needs guidance towards inculcating constructive habits and simultaneously focus on becoming independent. Elders should let children indulge in group activities which keep them busy and give them an opportunity to learn from other kids. To conclude, it is important for children to find a way to keep themselves occupied on their own. However, parents should also encourage them to engage in group activities because such activities help to improve their health and overall personality.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
opine that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
participate in collective recreational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. Others oppose this view, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
learn to be self-reliant. I
strongly
adhere to the school of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
need to
be guided
on using their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
effectively
. In this essay, both the viewpoints will
be discussed
.

On one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
tend to go over-board with enrolling their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
into numerous outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
Generally
speaking, hobby
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
such as dance classes, swimming lessons, robotics classes, and sports which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
like coordination and cooperation. This prepares them for the future
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they already know how to work with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
team spirit. Both qualities are essential for success in the workplace.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
who are working, may not be able to afford the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
or money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
participate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
. There are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
when a child is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
alone.
For example
, his friends could be busy with their studies and cannot play with him. Since such situations can arise every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
and then, every child should be able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keep
themselves occupied doing their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
things.
For instance
, they could read, write or paint. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keep
them engaged
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them discover their hidden talents.

In my view, a child needs guidance towards inculcating constructive habits and
simultaneously
focus on becoming independent. Elders should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
indulge in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keep
them busy and give them an opportunity to learn from other kids.

To conclude
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to find a way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keep
themselves occupied on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
also
encourage them to engage in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their health and
overall
personality.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that parents should encouraged their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
304 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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