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Your community decided to buy a space to develop its economy. Which do you think the space should be built into, a shopping mall, a theater. v.1

Your community decided to buy a space to develop its economy. Which do you think the space should be built into, a shopping mall, a theater. v. 1
Building new facility plays an indispensable role in community' s development. However, what should be built into the community to develop its economy is worth of some debates. From my point of view, I believe that building a shopping mall can enhance the local economics. My statement will be substantiated by following paragraphs. First of all, a shopping mall can increase the number of jobs and solve the problem of unemployment. A big shopping mall needs a lot of workers such as sales, security people, and cleaner etc. If most of residents in community have jobs, there will be more potential customers which can make the local environment better. In addition, building a shopping mall can attract a lot of investments from big companies. A shopping mall often earns a good profit and many companies tend to set their new branch in the shopping mall. For example, The Taipei 101 shopping mall was set years ago, it attracted so many investments and many clothes company such as ZARA, H& M set their first branch in Taiwan in the Taipei 101 shopping mall. Therefore, a big company' s investment can makes local development better. Last but not least, shopping mall can also attract people from different area and is a great place to go on weekends. Since the shopping has different kinds of products and hundreds of brand stores, it is a great place for people to buy things they want. Take Taipei 101 shopping mall as an example, people come from different area or city to buy things there because the shopping mall has much more brands than other places and the newest products. Thus, a shopping mall not only earns money from local people but also attracts the people who live in other areas. In conclusion, according to the reasons mentioned above, i am convinced that the community should build a shopping mall to develop its economy based on the aspects of job opportunities, attraction of investment, and attraction of more customers.
Building new facility plays an indispensable role in
Possible spelling mistake found.
community&
#039; s development.
However
, what should
be built
into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
to develop its economy is worth of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
debates. From my point of view, I believe that building a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
can enhance the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
economics. My statement will
be substantiated
by following paragraphs.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
can increase the number of jobs and solve the problem of unemployment. A
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
needs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
workers such as sales, security
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, and cleaner etc. If
After 'most of', you should use 'the' ("most of the residents") or simply say "most residents".
most of residents
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
have jobs, there will be more potential customers which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
environment better.

In addition
, building a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
can attract
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
investments
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
earns a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
profit and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
tend to set their new branch in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
.
For example
, The Taipei 101
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
was set
years ago, it attracted
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
investments
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
clothes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
such as ZARA,
Possible spelling mistake found.
H&amp
; M set their
first
branch in Taiwan in the Taipei 101
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
.
Therefore
, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
Possible spelling mistake found.
company&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
investment
can
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "make"
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
development better.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
can
also
attract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
area and is a great place to go on weekends. Since the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of products and hundreds of brand stores, it is a great place for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
things they want. Take Taipei 101
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
as an example,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
area or city to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
things there
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
has much more brands than other places and the newest products.
Thus
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
earns money from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
attracts the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in other areas.

In conclusion
, according to the reasons mentioned above,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
am convinced
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
should build a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
to develop its economy based on the aspects of job opportunities, attraction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
investment
, and attraction of more customers.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
49Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Your community decided to buy a space to develop its economy. Which do you think the space should be built into, a shopping mall, a theater. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
333 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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