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many people believe that social networking such as facebook have had a huge negetive impact on both individuals and society. to what extent do you agree. v.2

many people believe that social networking such as facebook have had a huge negetive impact on both individuals and society. v. 2
Social networking sites for instance facebook, are thought by some to have had a detrimental affect on individual people as well as society and local communities. However, in my opinion, while i believe that such sites are mainly beneficial to the individual, I agree that they have had a damaging effect on local communities. With regards to individuals, the impact that online social media has had on each individual person has clear advantages. Firstly, people from different countries are brought together through such sites as facebook whereas before development of technology and social networking sites, people rarely had the chance to meet or communicate with anyone outside of their immediate circle or community. Secondly, facebook also has special groups which offers individuals a chance to meet and participate in discussions with people who share common interests. On the other hand, the effect that facebook and other social networking sites have had on societies and local communities can only be seen as negative. Rather than individual people taking part in their local community, they are instead choosing to take more interest in people online. Consequently, the people within local communities are no longer forming close or supportive relationships. Furthermore, society as a whole is becoming increasingly disjoined and fragmented as people spend more time online with people they have never met face to face and who they are unlikely to ever meet in future. To conclude, although social networking sites have brought individuals closer together, they have not had the same effect on societies or local communities. Local communities should do more to try and involve local people in local activities in order to promote the future of community life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Social
networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
for instance
Possible spelling mistake found.
facebook
, are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
to have had a detrimental
Did you mean "effect"?
affect
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
.
However
, in my opinion, while
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
believe that such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
are
mainly
beneficial to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that they have had a damaging effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
communities.

Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
With regards to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
, the impact that online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media has had on each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
person has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
advantages.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries
are brought
together through such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
as
Possible spelling mistake found.
facebook
whereas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
development of technology and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
rarely had the chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
or communicate with anyone
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "outside".
outside of
their immediate circle or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
.
Secondly
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
facebook
also
has special groups which offers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
a chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
and participate in discussions with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who share common interests.

On the other hand
, the effect that
Possible spelling mistake found.
facebook
and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
have had on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
.
Rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
taking part in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
, they are
instead
choosing to take more interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
online.
Consequently
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
within
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
are no longer forming close or supportive relationships.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
as a whole is becoming
increasingly
Possible spelling mistake found.
disjoined
and fragmented as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend more time online with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
they have never met face to face and who they are unlikely to ever
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.

To conclude
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
have brought
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
closer together, they have not had the same effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
should do more to
"Try and" is common in colloquial speech, but "try to" is recommended for writing.
try and
involve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
activities in order to promote the future of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
life.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
49Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Mistakes

IELTS essay many people believe that social networking such as facebook have had a huge negetive impact on both individuals and society. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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