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Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time.Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. v. 4
Activities play the important role in children’s life wheather it is outside or indoor activities. Some people suggest that children should aware about free time activities on their own where as some people says that children’s parents should motivate them to take part in organised group activities. Firstly, kids who are at kindergarden level should be motivated for participating in group activities. As a result these children can enhance their knowledge and get good exposer to outside world. For example, parents should show them activities on TV such as, sports, music events or some live program of a play. By watching these kind of activities the might get idea about activitiesand kids enhance their skills like identify people’s behaviour, characters and so on. Hence, kids should be joined any group activities in their free time under the guidance of parents Secondly, children are at the primary level and above, they might know their area of interests on their own; therefore, they may choose their activities in order to increase their potential level and may choose to get expertise in particular activities at higher level. Primary level and above children learn how to increase their capacity and become self confident on their own. For instant, Children may choose academy of cricket, later they can be motivated to play on higher level like state level tournament or national level tournament and so on. Thus, Children can become more independent and extroward in nature. In summary, Parents should suggest their children to be a part of some group activities for their growth as stated above. These essay discussed different level of children do their free time group activities. In my opinion, Children are motivated than they could join appropriate group activities.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Activities
play the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
life
Possible spelling mistake found.
wheather
it is outside or indoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
suggest that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should aware about free time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
Did you mean "whereas"?
where as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
says
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
parents should motivate them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in
Possible spelling mistake. 'organised' is British English.
organised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
activities.

Firstly
, kids who are at
Possible spelling mistake found.
kindergarden
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
should
be motivated
for participating in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
As a result
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can enhance their knowledge and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
Possible spelling mistake found.
exposer
to outside world.
For example
, parents should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
on TV such as, sports, music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
program of a play. By watching
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
the might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
about
Possible spelling mistake found.
activitiesand
kids enhance their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
like identify
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
, characters and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Hence
, kids should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in their free time under the guidance of parents

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are at the primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
and above, they might know their area of interests on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
;
therefore
, they may choose their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in order to increase their potential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
and may choose to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
expertise
in particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
at higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
. Primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
and above
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
learn how to increase their capacity and become
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self confident
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. For instant,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
may choose academy of cricket, later they can
be motivated
to play on higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
like state
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
tournament or national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
tournament and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
can become more independent and
Possible spelling mistake found.
extroward
in nature.

In summary, Parents should suggest their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be a part of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
for their growth as stated above. These essay discussed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do their free time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are motivated
than they could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
appropriate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
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I am always sorry when any language is lost, because languages are the pedigrees of nations.
Samuel Johnson

IELTS essay Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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