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Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part on organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves in their own. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.3

Children should always be involved in some kind of activities. Other than the mobile phone. It is considered by some, that motivating the children to particulate in teamwork activities is parents’ responsibility, while others believe that young adults should be well aware of the productive utilization of their leisure. In this essay both diverse viewpoints will be discussed, Moreover, in my opinion, youngsters must know how to keep themselves busy. To begin with, in the past, teenagers and adolescents were a lot dependent on their parents in decisions making about their free time. Due to the lack of easy internet access, a lot of physical activities like team activities were their leisure tasks. This makes them disabled in decisive capabilities, therefore they don’t feel the need to think themselves. While some young people are introverts and they need parental encouragement, but others should be left on their own. For instance, if parents don’t push their socially awkward or introvert offspring into team or group activities, then it would result in low confidence in them. On the other hand, living in the era of the big data, where all kinds of information are available at our fingertips, thus children these days are quite well aware regarding the use of their available time. Numerous benefits are associated with this viewpoint. Firstly, the more they explore, the more they will find it easy to identify their areas of interest. Secondly, free time gives them breathing space to think out of the box, thus leading to innovation. Finally, it leads to building up their decision-making capabilities which youngsters of this generation lack. To illustrate the viewpoint, for example, Bill Gates used to spend most of his time alone in his room, thinking and experimenting with his innovative ideas, thus he ended up development of the ‘Microsoft’. To conclude, I strongly believe that parents need to let their children free so that they could find a way out to enhance their capabilities during their free available hours. But on the other hand, they also need to keep an eye and push their shy and low confident younger ones into public group gatherings, in order to fill their missing gaps.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
should always
be involved
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Other
than the mobile phone. It
is considered
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
, that motivating the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to particulate in teamwork
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
responsibility, while others believe that young adults should be well aware of the productive utilization of their leisure. In this essay both diverse viewpoints will
be discussed
,
Moreover
, in my opinion, youngsters
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
know how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
themselves busy.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, in the past,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
and adolescents were a lot dependent on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in decisions making about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. Due to the lack of easy internet access,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
like team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
were their leisure tasks. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them disabled in decisive capabilities,
therefore
they don’t feel the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
themselves. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
introverts and
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
parental encouragement,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
others should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
For instance
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
don’t push their
socially
awkward or introvert offspring into team or group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, then it would result in low confidence in them.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, living in the era of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
data, where all kinds of information are available at our fingertips,
thus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
these days are quite well aware regarding the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of their available
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. Numerous benefits
are associated
with this viewpoint.
Firstly
, the more they explore, the more they will find it easy to identify their areas of interest.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
gives them breathing space to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
out of the box,
thus
leading to innovation.
Finally
, it leads to building up their decision-making capabilities which youngsters of this generation lack. To illustrate the viewpoint,
for example
, Bill Gates
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to spend most of his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
alone in his room, thinking and experimenting with his innovative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
,
thus
he ended up development of the ‘Microsoft’.

To conclude
, I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they could find a way out to enhance their capabilities during their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
available hours.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, they
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
an eye and push their shy and low confident younger ones into public group gatherings, in order to fill their missing gaps.
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If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
364 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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