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Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion v.5

Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. 5
With a growing number of toys, games and events for children to engage in, there are two schools of thought on what is the best combination of activities to opt for. Some people are of the view that guardians should advise their wards to partake in structured team events in their spare time, whereas others believe that children should learn to engage themselves. While I have outlined both views ahead, personally, I am in favour of the first school of thought. Structured team activities have multiple developmental benefits. Firstly, they force children to try out new activities in a safe environment, helping them to discover new hobbies that were earlier unknown. Secondly, they also push children out of their comfort zone by encouraging them to make new and diverse friends. Thirdly, through a set of carefully curated activities, children learn targetted lessons on communication, team-building, sharing and coping with failure. Since all of this is done in a controlled environment with skilled adults around, there is minimal risk of negative experience for the child. In contrast to this, by spending time playing on their own, children are often forced to creatively invent interesting situations or events to occupy themselves. This boosts their creativity and also teaches them to engage themselves and structure their own play games. Since children are free to adjust activities based on their preferences and energy levels, they have more freedom to dictate their own schedule. Thus, unstructured play likely results in children with higher levels of creativity, individual freedom and independence. I am firmly of the opinion that, of the two options, structured team activities are more essential for children at this stage of life. This is because, learning how to play on their own is something that they can always learn later on their own, but it is harder to develop social skills as they grow older. It is, therefore, imperative for children to learn to make new friends and to experiment with many things rather than to restrict themselves to their comfort zone. For me, structured events like summer schools, camps, group dance classes, language classes helped me develop a good network of friends and strong social skills which have been of immense value as I grew older. To conclude, I believe that while both schools of thought have their benefits, parents should focus on enrolling young children in multiple structured activities. This will help children to develop teaming skills that will benefit them across their lifetime.
With a growing number of toys, games and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to engage in, there are two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
on what is the best combination of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
to opt for.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are of the view that guardians should advise their wards to partake in structured team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
in their spare time, whereas others believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
to engage themselves. While I have outlined both views ahead,
personally
, I am in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of the
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
.

Structured team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
have multiple developmental benefits.
Firstly
, they force
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to try out
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in a safe environment, helping them to discover
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
hobbies that were earlier unknown.
Secondly
, they
also
push
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
out of their comfort zone by encouraging them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
and diverse friends.
Thirdly
, through a set of
carefully
curated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
Possible spelling mistake found.
targetted
lessons on communication, team-building, sharing and coping with failure. Since all of this
is done
in a controlled environment with skilled adults around, there is minimal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
experience for the child.

In contrast
to this, by spending time playing on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
forced to
creatively
invent interesting situations or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
to occupy themselves. This boosts their creativity and
also
teaches them to engage themselves and structure their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
play games. Since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are free to adjust
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
based on their preferences and energy levels, they have more freedom to dictate their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
schedule.
Thus
, unstructured play likely results in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with higher levels of creativity, individual freedom and independence.

I am
firmly
of the opinion that, of the two options, structured team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are more essential for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at this stage of life. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, learning how to play on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
is something that they can always
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
later on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is harder to develop social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
as they grow older. It is,
therefore
, imperative for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
friends and to experiment with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things
rather
than to restrict themselves to their comfort zone. For me, structured
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
like summer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, camps, group dance classes, language classes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
me develop a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
network of friends and strong social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which have been of immense value as I grew older.

To conclude
, I believe that while both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
have their benefits, parents should focus on enrolling young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in multiple structured
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to develop teaming
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
that will benefit them across their lifetime.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. 5

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
413 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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