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Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.23

Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. v. 23
Many people think that providing financial aids is the best way to support undeveloped areas. In my point of view, I agree with such claims that wealthy countries should provide other types of helps rather than money. In the following paragraphs, there are several persuasive reasons to examine this issue in depth. First of all, the money could only solve contemporary problems. Therefore, the experienced countries should help demanded areas to know how to fish instead of just giving them fishes. For example, Taiwan used to help Soloman Island to cultivate when we still had diplomatic relationship. By this way, it helps their agricultural growth. Furthermore, they could have steadily food supplies. From such examples, it demonstrates that the financial support is good, nevertheless, providing technical knowledges could help them know how to survive. Another reason for my belief that providing money is not the best solution is that we don't know how will the government use such resources. Hence, if a wealthy place wants to support undeveloped cities, they should provide investments in youth education. Take my friend's mother, Tina, for example. She went to South Africa to teach children there 15 years ago. While she went back again last year and she was surprised one of her students become a doctor, and working and teaching in the village now. Consequently, it can be said that investing education could really evolve a place's situation. To conclude, there is not to say that financial aids are totally without merit. On the other hand, it could solve the some of the problems. Moreover, a country needs more other types of aids such as knowledges of technical skills and education investments in order to keep their future growth. For this reason I concur with the statement that other types of supports are more helpful to solve poverty.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that providing financial aids is the best way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
undeveloped areas. In my point of view, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with such claims that wealthy countries should provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
rather
than money. In the following paragraphs, there are several persuasive reasons to examine this issue in depth.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the money could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
solve contemporary problems.
Therefore
, the experienced countries should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
demanded areas to know how to fish
instead
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
giving them fishes.
For example
, Taiwan
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
Possible spelling mistake found.
Soloman
Island to cultivate when we
still
had diplomatic relationship. By this way, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
their agricultural growth.
Furthermore
, they could have
steadily
food supplies. From such examples, it demonstrates that the financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
,
nevertheless
, providing technical
Possible spelling mistake found.
knowledges
could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them know how to survive.

Another reason for my belief that providing money is not the best solution is that we don't know how will the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
such resources.
Hence
, if a wealthy place wants to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
undeveloped cities, they should provide investments in youth education. Take my friend's mother, Tina,
for example
. She went to South Africa to teach children there 15 years ago. While she went back again last
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
year and
she
was surprised
one of her students become a doctor, and working and teaching in the village
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.
Consequently
, it can
be said
that investing education could
really
evolve a place's situation.

To conclude
, there is not to say that financial aids are
totally
without merit. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, it could solve the
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
problems.
Moreover
, a country needs more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
types of aids such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
knowledges
of technical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and education investments in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their future growth.
For this reason
I concur with the statement that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
supports
are more helpful to solve poverty.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. v. 23

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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