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Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part on organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves in their own. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.2

Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part on organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves in their own. v. 2
It is believed, a few people said that parents can motivate the kids to utilize their leisure time effectively. One way is to participate in team based activities and another way is to indulge their minds in self-assessment. In my opinion, group tasks play a vital role to teach them various aspects of life, such as team-work, equality and loyalty. Firstly, parents are the role model of their offspring, they should inspire them to take part pro-active in outdoor activities, for instance sports and group discussions. Additionally, these events will increase their growth and build team-spirit. To illustrate, the world child care centre took an initiative to organise a work workshop, namely “Building the Bond”, which was based on team-work. Furthermore, this workshop educated infants to be loyal, confident and honest. As a result, parents observed a tremendous improvement in their children. Secondly, adolescent age is very crucial during development stages. Therefore, it is significantly appropriate for kids to understand the study of self-occupancy. According to the research in the 2017 Edition, John Smith, a famous scientist revealed, that 75% of infants have inbuilt capability of self-learning as well as self-grooming. Some studies also highlighted that such kids exhibit a reserved nature and they nurture their minds by involving themselves in reading novels, playing indoor games or surfing the internet during their ideal time. Consequently, this method helped children to learn new things by themselves. To conclude, parents should allow infants to participate in team building exercises in order to enhance communication skills, but also moral level. In other words, adopting these methodologies will provide a great deal of inspiration to young ones, moreover a few facts and figures prove that team-building is very important in every stage of life.
It
is believed
, a few
people
said that
parents
can motivate the kids to utilize their leisure time
effectively
. One way is to participate in team based activities and another way is to indulge their minds in self-assessment. In my opinion, group tasks play a vital role to teach them various aspects of life, such as team-work, equality and loyalty.

Firstly
,
parents
are the role model of their offspring, they should inspire them to
take part
pro-active in outdoor activities,
for instance
sports and group discussions.
Additionally
, these
events
will increase their growth and build team-spirit. To illustrate, the world child care
centre
took an initiative to
organise
a work workshop,
namely
“Building the Bond”, which
was based
on team-work.
Furthermore
, this workshop educated infants to be loyal, confident and honest.
As a result
,
parents
observed a tremendous improvement in their children.

Secondly
, adolescent age is
very
crucial during development stages.
Therefore
, it is
significantly
appropriate for kids to understand the study of self-occupancy. According to the research in the 2017 Edition, John Smith, a
famous
scientist revealed, that 75% of infants have inbuilt capability of self-learning
as well
as self-grooming.
Some
studies
also
highlighted that such kids exhibit a reserved
nature and
they nurture their minds by involving themselves in reading novels, playing indoor games or surfing the internet during their ideal time.
Consequently
, this method
helped
children to learn new things by themselves.

To conclude
,
parents
should
allow
infants to participate in team building exercises in order to enhance communication
skills
,
but
also
moral level.
In other words
, adopting these methodologies will provide a great deal of inspiration to young ones,
moreover
a few facts and figures prove that team-building is
very
important
in every stage of life.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part on organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves in their own. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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