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Some countries are struggling with increases in crime rates. Some believe that having more police on the streets is best way to reduce and combat crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.5

Some countries are struggling with increases in crime rates. Some believe that having more police on the streets is best way to reduce and combat crime. v. 5
It has been argued by many that the crime rate has increased in many parts of the world and the best way to control is to enhance the police on the roads. In my opinion, I agree with this as the policemen will be very effective in this, but the creation of awareness in the masses will also help in this struggle. On the one hand, increasing the army will be helpful to control the criminals. Firstly, the law enforcing agencies on the streets will create a deterrence in the population. Secondly, the laws will be implemented in true letter and spirit. Moreover, the individuals with bad intentions will be afraid of getting caught and being punished. So, all this will produce a safe environment for the living. For example, the government of Belgium has increased the strength of forces to counter terrorism. On the other hand, the state should inculcate a sense of responsibility in its citizens. There should be mass campaigns organized at the national level to create a feeling of hatred against those who break the laws. Furthermore, every individual must be given basic training of self defence and to combat with the terrorists. Although, it's a difficult task, but it will help in decreasing such heinous activities. For instance, the Switzerland has almost no army and still it has negligible criminal activity due to the educated populace. To conclude, I believe that the rulers should invest both in the education of the people and expansion of the soldiers to counter the law and order situations.
It has
been argued
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that the crime rate has increased in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parts of the world and the best way to control is to enhance the police on the roads. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this as the policemen will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
effective in this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the creation of awareness in the masses will
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in this struggle.

On the one hand, increasing the army will be helpful to control the criminals.
Firstly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
enforcing agencies on the streets will create a deterrence in the population.
Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
will
be implemented
in true letter and spirit.
Moreover
, the individuals with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
intentions will be afraid of getting caught and
being punished
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, all this will produce a safe environment for the living.
For example
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
of Belgium has increased the strength of forces to counter terrorism.

On the other hand
, the state should inculcate a sense of responsibility in its citizens. There should be mass campaigns organized at the national level to create a feeling of hatred against those who break the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
.
Furthermore
, every individual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
basic training of
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self defence
and to combat with the terrorists. Although, it's a difficult task,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in decreasing such heinous activities.
For instance
, the Switzerland has almost no army and
still
it has negligible criminal activity due to the educated populace.

To conclude
, I believe that the rulers should invest both in the education of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and expansion of the soldiers to counter the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
and order situations.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Some countries are struggling with increases in crime rates. Some believe that having more police on the streets is best way to reduce and combat crime. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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