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In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young young people who decided to do this. v. 104 v.45

In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young young people who decided to do this. v. 104 v. 45
In recent times, some youngsters prefer taking a break before starting their university studies and during this period, they are encouraged to work or travel. This essay will discuss the positive and the negative aspects of this time off from studies. One of the main advantages of taking a break after high school is to discover a hidden passion. This will benefit students to a greater extent as they will start exploring their career options where there is a possibility of finding a vision for their future. For instance, Steve Jobs found his passion and created ‘Apple’ only after taking a break from his studies. Therefore, taking a year gap from studies gives students a chance to try various career paths and helps them choose one they like. On the contrary, some students face a lot of difficulties when they travel during this break like homesickness, language barriers, monetary constraints and health conditions. Since they are still teenagers, they would not have attained the maturity to travel alone. For example, a recent survey shows that more than 50% of student travellers return to their home country, even before completing their trip because of they do not have enough money to cover their trip. Thus, even though students choose to travel during their break, they might come back sooner as they will face a myriad of challenges. In conclusion, though taking a break of one year before starting university studies helps to find a passion, it also has a lot of challenges. It is always advisable for students to consider both advantages and disadvantages before taking a break from studies.
In recent times,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
youngsters prefer taking a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
break
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
before
starting their university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
and during this period, they
are encouraged
to work or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
. This essay will discuss the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects of this time off from studies.

One of the main advantages of taking a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
break
after high school is to discover a hidden passion. This will benefit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to a greater extent as they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
exploring their career options where there is a possibility of finding a vision for their future.
For instance
, Steve Jobs found his passion and created ‘Apple’
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
after taking a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
break
from his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
.
Therefore
, taking a year gap from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
gives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
a chance to try various career paths and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them choose one they like.

On the contrary
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
difficulties when they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
during this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
break
like homesickness, language barriers, monetary constraints and health conditions. Since they are
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
, they would not have attained the maturity to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
alone.
For example
, a recent survey
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that more than 50% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
return to their home country, even
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
before
completing their trip
Probable usage error. Use "because they" instead.
because of they
do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money to cover their trip.
Thus
,
even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
choose to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
during their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
break
, they might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
back sooner as they will face a myriad of challenges.

In conclusion
, though taking a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
break
of one year
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
before
starting university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to find a passion, it
also
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
challenges. It is always advisable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to consider both advantages and disadvantages
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
before
taking a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
break
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young young people who decided to do this. v. 104 v. 45

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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