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Some people think that the increasing use of computers and mobile phones in communication has had negative effects on young people's reading and writing skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some people think that the increasing use of computers and mobile phones in communication has had negative effects on young people's reading and writing skills. v. 2
It has been argued by many that the frequent use of the computers and the mobile phones has an adverse effect on the user's ability to read and write. In my opinion, I tend to disagree with this, as it not only enhances the vocabulary of a child but also improves the typing speed. On the one hand, the usage of electronic devices has increased the communication among the individuals. Firstly, the news posts shared with the social media have a positive effect on the reading capability. Secondly, the user tends to memorise new words while working on various internet blogs. Moreover, due to increased conversation the speaking capabilities are also polished. So, the laptops and handsets have a positive impact on the learning curve of an individual. For instance, the same study has been conducted in the Finland and they have made computer studies compulsory for all students. On the other hand, the writing skills of a pupil are improved by making notes on the tablets. Although, the shorthand script has to be reduced, but there is a marked improvement in the expression of logical thoughts in the written form. Furthermore, the text messages sent on mobile devices have also enhanced this capability. So, the children must be encouraged to use the technology, but in a right way. For example, every Indian child scores higher on the IELTS exam due to the frequent use of media services. To conclude, I believe that if the elders keep a check on the browsing habits of a kid and give him a right direction, then there will be a definite improvement in the language presentation.
It has
been argued
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that the frequent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the computers and the mobile phones has an adverse effect on the user's ability to read and write. In my opinion, I tend to disagree with this, as it not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
enhances the vocabulary of a child
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
the typing speed.

On the one hand, the usage of electronic devices has increased the communication among the individuals.
Firstly
, the news posts shared with the social media have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect on the reading capability.
Secondly
, the user tends to
Possible spelling mistake. 'memorise' is British English.
memorise
new words while working on various internet blogs.
Moreover
, due to increased conversation the speaking capabilities are
also
polished.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the laptops and handsets have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on the learning curve of an individual.
For instance
, the same study has
been conducted
in the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
Finland and
they have made computer studies compulsory for all students.

On the other hand
, the writing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
of a pupil are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
by making notes on the tablets. Although, the shorthand script
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there is a marked improvement in the expression of logical thoughts in the written form.
Furthermore
, the text messages
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
on mobile devices have
also
enhanced this capability.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be encouraged
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the technology,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
Consider replacing "in a right way" with the adverb for "right"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a right way
.
For example
, every Indian child scores higher on the IELTS exam due to the frequent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of media services.

To conclude
, I believe that if the elders
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
on the browsing habits of a kid and give him a right direction, then there will be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
definite
improvement in the language presentation.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that the increasing use of computers and mobile phones in communication has had negative effects on young people's reading and writing skills. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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