Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part on organised group activities in their free time. others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves in their own. v. 1
Some argue that mothers and fathers should inspire their kids to take part in organised group activities in their spare time, while others say that it is vital for adolescents to acquire how to involve themselves on their own. Although, engaging on their own can lead them in choosing inappropriate activities, I believe that it can result in developing intellectual skills. On the one hand, if children occupy themselves on their own it can result in selecting improper activities. This is because parents are busy with their office and house work and they do have time to encourage their adolescents to take part in any recreational activities. Therefore, they indulge in sedentary activities like playing video games watching television and many more. Moreover, these activities may also cause numerous health issues. For example, The Sunday Times recently stated that approximately 25% of the teens perform sedentary activities as their parents do not promote outdoor activities. However, I believe this problem cannot be solved because parents give more priority to work than their kids. On the other hand, mothers and fathers promote their adolescents in group activities because it assists them to develop cognitive skills. In other words, young ones are kept in group activities so that they can not only enhance their imagination and creativity but also improve their communication skills. Such skills often aid them in their academic studies. For instance, The University of Toronto recently stated kids who take part in organised group activities are twice more likely to develop and improve their skills, than those who do not take part in activities. I believe this leads to development of teens. In conclusion, although engaging children on their own can result in selecting improper activities, encouraging them in group activities can lead in developing cognitive skills.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
argue that mothers and fathers should inspire their kids to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
in
Possible spelling mistake. 'organised' is British English.
organised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in their spare time, while others say that it is vital for adolescents to acquire how to involve themselves on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. Although, engaging on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
can lead them in choosing inappropriate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, I believe that it can result in developing intellectual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

On the one hand, if children occupy themselves on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
it can result in selecting improper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
parents are busy with their office and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
work and
they do have time to encourage their adolescents to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
in any recreational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
Therefore
, they indulge in sedentary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
like playing video games watching television and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more.
Moreover
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
may
also
cause numerous health issues.
For example
, The Sunday Times recently stated that approximately 25% of the teens perform sedentary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
as their parents do not promote outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
However
, I believe this problem cannot
be solved
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
parents give more priority to work than their kids.

On the other hand
, mothers and fathers promote their adolescents in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it assists them to develop cognitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
In other words
, young ones are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
enhance their imagination and creativity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. Such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
aid them in their academic studies.
For instance
, The University of Toronto recently stated kids who take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
in
Possible spelling mistake. 'organised' is British English.
organised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are twice more likely to develop and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, than those who do not take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. I believe this leads to development of teens.

In conclusion
, although engaging children on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
can result in selecting improper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, encouraging them in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
can lead in developing cognitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts