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Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organized group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for the children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both views and give your own opinion v.8

Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organized group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for the children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. 8
It is often thought by many that parents ought to advise their children on how to spend their free time, while others believe that it should be decided by the children themselves. In my opinion, I completely agree with the second viewpoint. This essay, however, discusses both sides of the argument and then submits a plausible conclusion. On the one hand, parents play an important role in the upbringing of a child. They act as a role model and a counselor for their children. In other words, parents are the persons, who will be most concerned for the betterment of their child's life, and therefore, they choose things which are in the best interest of their children. For instance, parents would want their children to join a book club for their free time, rather than spending it with the people who are involved in unhealthy activities. On the other hand, children will learn from their choices when they are allowed to decide how they want to spend their leisure time. This is to say that when children are given this freedom to choose for themselves, they may make bad decisions but, this will allow them to learn from their mistakes and make better decisions in their future lives. In a recent article, written by Ms. Farhat Hashmi, a psychologist, it is stated that people who make their own decisions in their childhood are better decision-makers in their practical life. In conclusion, admittedly, parenting is a vital aspect of child's grooming. However, it will be more beneficial if they are given the opportunity to choose what they want to do with their extra time. It is predicted that in the future children will be given more opportunities where they can make decisions for themselves.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
ought to advise their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
on how to spend their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, while others believe that it should
be decided
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
themselves. In my opinion, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the second viewpoint. This essay,
however
, discusses both sides of the argument and then submits a plausible conclusion.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in the upbringing of a child. They act as a role model and a counselor for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are the persons, who will be most concerned for the betterment of their child's life, and
therefore
, they choose things which are in the best interest of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
would want their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
a book club for their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
,
rather
than spending it with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
are involved
in unhealthy activities.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will learn from their choices when they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to decide how they want to spend their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. This is to say that when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
this freedom to choose for themselves, they may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to learn from their mistakes and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
in their future
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. In a recent article, written by Ms.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Farhat
Possible spelling mistake found.
Hashmi
, a psychologist, it
is stated
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
in their childhood are better decision-makers in their practical life.

In conclusion
,
admittedly
, parenting is a vital aspect of child's grooming.
However
, it will be more beneficial if they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the opportunity to choose what they want to do with their extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. It
is predicted
that in the future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
more opportunities where they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
for themselves.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organized group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for the children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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