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Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organized group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer And include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience v.5

Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organized group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. 5
It is important that, children are kept busy in their free time, by engaging them in a series of activities. However, whether this is done as part of a group, or alone, is totally up to the parents. While a number of persons believe that, children should be engaged in activities with other children, others are of the view that, children should figure out how to keep themselves busy on their own. In my opinion, it is pertinent that, children engage in organized activities with other kids. This essay, will discuss both views, as well as state reasons why, people have different views about this. Parents that encourage their kids to be involved in activities with other children, do so for the social development of the children. By this, children interact with each other, form and keep friendships, that may be beneficial to them in the future. This, consequently, prepares the child for adult life, which essentially, involves interaction with other people. Furthermore, kids discover their strengths, as well as learn from each other, when they perform activities together. Conversely, it is also important that children figure out how to keep themselves occupied, as this would help to develop a child's creative ability since the child is left to think and come up with ways, to keep himself or herself occupied. Also, it trains the child to be independent, since he doesn't need other kids, in order to keep busy. However, he or she might feel lonely sometimes. In conclusion, this essay, have discussed the reasons why different people think differently, when it comes to keeping children occupied. Although I strongly believe in children interacting with each other in a group, parents need to strike a balance, for the overall development of their wards
It is
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important
that,
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children
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
busy in their free time, by engaging them in a series of
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activities
.
However
, whether this
is done
as part of a group, or alone, is
totally
up to the parents. While a number of persons believe that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be engaged
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, others are of the view that,
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children
should figure out how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keep
themselves busy on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. In my opinion, it is pertinent that,
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children
engage in organized
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activities
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
. This essay, will discuss both views,
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
state reasons why,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have
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different
views about this.

Parents that encourage their
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kids
to
be involved
in
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activities
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
for the social development of the
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children
. By this,
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children
interact with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
, form and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keep
friendships, that may be beneficial to them in the future. This,
consequently
, prepares the child for adult life, which
essentially
, involves interaction with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
discover their strengths,
as well
as learn from each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
, when they perform
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
together.

Conversely
, it is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that
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children
figure out how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keep
themselves occupied, as this would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to develop a child's creative ability since the child is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with ways, to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keep
himself or herself occupied.
Also
, it trains the child to be independent, since he doesn't need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
, in order to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keep
busy.
However
, he or she might feel lonely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
.

In conclusion
, this essay, have discussed the reasons why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
differently
, when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to keeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
occupied. Although I
strongly
believe in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
interacting with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
in a group, parents need to strike a balance, for the
overall
development of their
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
wards
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organized group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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