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Some people say that parents should encourage their children say that to take part in organized group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people say that parents should encourage their children say that to take part in organized group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. v. 1
Although many people argue about the importance of children’s learning through some methods in order to fill their free moment with many things which like, others say that parents should be as a motivation for their children so as to attend in some group in their free moment. Personally, I support both views due to the fact that children need to experience teamwork and also interpersonal skills through some activities. Actually, attending in organized group activities has many merits for children. It is a great opportunity for children to be with their friends and show their abilities and also recognize their weaknesses in teamwork activities. What is more, they can acquire a lot of information in various fields and learn great traits through this method such as sportsmanship, humility, bravery, and so on. In fact, children learn how to be useful to their societies and also get acquainted with their social responsibilities. Furthermore, they found that their parents will like seeing them in good conditions in the future. On the other hand, if children occupy themselves on their own, it will have some merits and demerits which are worth considering. Firstly, Children can learn how to organize their free time with various activities which can be advantageous or worthless for them. In other words, they can discover their hidden talents through trialing different types of work. Moreover, children can do activities which they like and follow their passion without any obligation or restriction. Secondly, If children stay at home for a long period of time, they may confront with depression in the future. Besides, this matter can have a negative impact on their minds such as fear of attending in society, and so on. In conclusion, I believe that children should experience both situations in order to find themselves and the merits of group activities.
Although
many
people
argue about the importance of
children’s
learning
through
some
methods in order to fill their free moment with
many
things which like, others say that parents should be as a motivation for their
children
so as to
attend in
some
group in their free moment.
Personally
, I support both views due to the fact that
children
need to experience teamwork and
also
interpersonal
skills
through
some
activities.

Actually, attending in organized group
activities
has
many
merits for
children
. It is a great opportunity for
children
to be with their friends and
show
their abilities and
also
recognize their weaknesses in teamwork
activities
.
What is more
, they can acquire
a lot of
information in various fields and learn great traits
through
this method such as sportsmanship, humility, bravery, and
so
on. In fact,
children
learn how to be useful to their societies and
also
get
acquainted with their social responsibilities.
Furthermore
, they found that their parents will like seeing them in
good
conditions in the future.

On the other hand
, if
children
occupy themselves on their
own
, it will have
some
merits and demerits which are worth considering.
Firstly
,
Children
can learn how to organize their free time with various
activities
which can be advantageous or worthless for them.
In other words
, they can discover their hidden talents
through
trialing
different
types of work.
Moreover
,
children
can do
activities
which they like and follow their passion without any obligation or restriction.
Secondly
, If
children
stay at home for a long period of time, they may confront with depression in the future.
Besides
, this matter can have a
negative
impact on their minds such as fear of attending in society, and
so
on.

In conclusion
, I believe that
children
should experience both situations in order to find themselves and the merits of group
activities
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that parents should encourage their children say that to take part in organized group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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