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Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organized group activities in their free time others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own v.11

Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organized group activities in their free time others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own v. 11
Overall, parents always willing to take their kids with good habits, therefore, they never miss to motivate their children to engage with social and organized team activities. While others believe that from an early age kids should learn to handle their life by their own self. In my opinion, I would claim that gathered activities will improve more qualities for youngsters. The growing body of research suggests that group action will improve, the better relationship with the different other people, which will increase the more peaceful among each other and also it will empower the conflict less society. Furthermore, while the leadership quality will increase that leads ourself in the future to handle the situations in the workplace. In addition good qualities such as discipline, team spirit, helping manners will be built through this. For example, in developed countries, they have compulsory group activities in schooling, campus times. However, there are some people claiming that children should learn how to take care of their self their own. There are compelling reasons why youngsters should have the ability to be alone. They learn to face all the difficulties by own without relying on their parents, which will get better confidence in life. Moreover, this gives them not only the courage to think productive, but also gain strength on decision making. For instance, in foreign countries parents, they send their children outside when they reach the age of 16 to find their needs by own. To conclude, take part in organized group activities would have more advantages, although parents pushing their sons and daughters to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. However, I believe crowed actions will make them too bright.
Overall
,
parents
always willing to take their kids with
good
habits,
therefore
, they never
miss to motivate
their children to engage with social and organized team
activities
.
While
others believe that from an early age kids should
learn
to handle their life by their
own
self. In my opinion, I would claim that gathered
activities
will
improve
more qualities for youngsters.

The growing body of research suggests that group action will
improve
, the better relationship with the
different
other
people
, which will increase the more peaceful among each other and
also
it will empower the conflict less society.
Furthermore
, while the leadership quality will increase that leads
ourself
in the future to handle the situations in the workplace. In
addition
good
qualities such as discipline, team spirit, helping manners will
be built
through this.
For example
, in
developed countries
, they have compulsory group
activities
in schooling, campus times.

However
, there are
some
people
claiming that children should
learn
how to take care of their self their
own
. There are compelling reasons why youngsters should have the ability to be alone. They
learn
to face all the difficulties by
own
without relying on their
parents
, which will
get
better confidence in life.
Moreover
, this gives them not
only
the courage to
think
productive,
but
also
gain strength on
decision making
.
For instance
, in foreign countries
parents
, they
send
their children outside when they reach the age of 16 to find their needs by
own
.

To conclude
,
take part
in organized group
activities
would have more advantages, although
parents
pushing their sons and daughters to
learn
how to occupy themselves on their
own
.
However
, I believe crowed actions will
make
them too bright.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organized group activities in their free time others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own v. 11

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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