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Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with? v.20

Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with? v. 20
In this contemporary world, marketing is an important pillar that drives a business. There is an ongoing debate between people who believe that advertising pushes us to buy stuff we are in no need of, while others believe that it introduces us to products beneficial for us. I tend to agree with the latter part of the argument as most of the advertising is digital. Also, people are a lot busy to invest time and money on products they won't use. First and foremost, online marketing has taken over contemporary marketing. In other words, people only get ad's in their social websites related to the products they have searched for in the past, this helps websites like, Facebook and Instagram to fetch cache information and provide products according to your search. For example, an athlete looking for strength boosting protein, but unsure, might be fed with the information containing a visual presentation of product. As a result, he might be able to order a perfect item, recently launched for him, helping him with his workout. This is a prime example of how most of the digital marketing help people pick the right thing for themselves. Secondly, nowadays, change in technology is so rapid that products are getting modified within months. Every month we see new products being launched be it in technology or health, which is continuously helping people. Most of the advertisement is done to enlighten us about how it would help us. To illustrate this, Apple mobile, invests 300% more money than any of its competitors, to help people understand the benefit of its upcoming mobile. As an outcome, this helps the buyer and can make full use of the mobile, as he knows the features of the product. In conclusion, although, people believe that marketing try to fool people, to buy product they don't need. In my opinion, most of the population is smart enough to look for product they require. Also, with the advancement in technology, it has been easier to buy product they need and choose quality over quantity.
In this contemporary world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marketing
is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
pillar that drives a business. There is an ongoing debate between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who believe that advertising pushes us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
stuff we are in no need of, while others believe that it introduces us to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
beneficial for us. I tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the latter part of the argument as most of the advertising is digital.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are a lot busy to invest time and money on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
they won't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.

First
and foremost, online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marketing
has taken over contemporary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marketing
.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
ad's in their social websites related to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
they have searched for in the past, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
websites like, Facebook and Instagram to fetch cache information and provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
according to your search.
For example
, an athlete looking for strength boosting protein,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
unsure, might
be fed
with the information containing a visual presentation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
.
As a result
, he might be able to order a perfect item, recently launched for him, helping him with his workout. This is a prime example of how most of the digital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marketing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
pick the right thing for themselves.

Secondly
, nowadays,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in technology is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
rapid that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
are getting modified within months. Every month we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
being launched
be it in technology or health, which is
continuously
helping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Most of the advertisement
is done
to enlighten us about how it would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
us. To illustrate this, Apple mobile, invests 300% more money than any of its competitors, to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
understand the benefit of its upcoming mobile. As an outcome, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
the buyer and can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
full
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the mobile, as he knows the features of the product.

In conclusion
, although,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marketing
try to fool
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
they don't need. In my opinion, most of the population is smart
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to look for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
they require.
Also
, with the advancement in technology, it has been easier to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
they need and choose quality over quantity.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with? v. 20

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
344 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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