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Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion? v.8

Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion? v. 8
Modern television and computer games contain much more graphic violence. While many people criticize that this development is responsible for violent behaviours in society, I believe that this argument is weak. Critics argue that violent film and video games are the cause of anti-social acts. The reason for this is that violent media desensitize viewers or players to violence and teach children that violence is an acceptable way to resolve conflicts. Controversy has erupted since an increase of the number of school shooting cases. One example is the story of Adam Lance, who shot 26 pupils in a primary school in the US. The newspapers claimed that the cause of his mass shooting seems to relate to playing computer games. In contrast, advocates who largely disagree with this idea say that violent video games may reduce social violence by providing a safe outlet for aggressive and angry feelings. They also argue that antagonist's arguments which blame crime for video games are not supported by data. While it is undeniable that consumption of violent media to increase dramatically every year, researchers also clearly demonstrate that the rate of youth violence is in a long-term downward trend. In addition, there is no positive connection between using violent media and illegal activities in social life. In conclusion, although there are different points of view on the effects of violent media on human acts, from the outlined reasons above, I strongly believe that graphic violence in films and computer games does not have any significant damaging effect on society.
Modern television and computer
games
contain much more graphic
violence
. While
many
people
criticize that this development is responsible for
violent
behaviours
in society, I believe that this argument is weak.

Critics argue that
violent
film and video
games
are the cause of anti-social acts.
The reason for this is
that
violent
media
desensitize viewers or players to
violence
and teach children that
violence
is an acceptable way to resolve conflicts. Controversy has erupted since an increase of the number of school shooting cases. One example is the story of Adam Lance, who shot 26 pupils in a primary school in the US. The newspapers claimed that the cause of his mass shooting seems to relate to playing computer games.

In contrast
, advocates who
largely
disagree with this
idea
say that
violent
video
games
may
reduce
social
violence
by providing a safe outlet for aggressive and angry feelings. They
also
argue that antagonist's arguments which blame crime for video
games
are not supported by data. While it is undeniable that consumption of
violent
media
to increase
dramatically
every year, researchers
also
clearly
demonstrate that the rate of youth
violence
is in a long-term downward trend.
In addition
, there is no
positive
connection between
using
violent
media
and illegal activities in social life.

In conclusion
, although there are
different
points of view on the effects of
violent
media
on human acts, from the outlined reasons above, I
strongly
believe that graphic
violence
in films and computer
games
does not have any significant damaging effect on society.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion? v. 8

Essay
4 paragraphs
255 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resources: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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