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Most people agree that money cannot be happiness. Why is happiness difficult to define? How can people achieve happiness? v.4

Most people agree that money cannot be happiness. Why is happiness difficult to define? How can people achieve happiness? v. 4
Many people believe that wealth cannot buy them happiness. This essay will explain why the definition of happiness is not easy, and it will define how humans can reach a happy life. First, the definition of happiness is broad and hard to narrow down. Since happiness is relative to every human being, it's quite difficult to be introduced. While some people believe that happiness is having a peace of mind, others argue that happiness lies in your ability to buy anything you like. Furthermore, in some countries, happiness is defined as feeling safe and secure, while in other places, happiness lies in wealth and power. For example, happiness definition for those who are displaced from their homeland because of war, is totally different than those who are living in a wealthy and safe country. Simply, happiness for most of the people is achieving what you do not have. Second, achieving happiness requires satisfaction. Since every single human being is looking for what he or she does not possess, this will lead to a never ending journey looking to happiness. Because simply, no one has it all! . No matter how wealthy someone can be, he or she will always have something left they cannot buy. For example, media shows many extravagant wealthy celebrities who committed suicide because they were living a miserable life. So people would be happy if they get satisfied with what they are gifted. In conclusion, happiness is hard to explain because everyone defines it with all the things he or she would like to have. Therefore, the best way to acquire a happy life is by being satisfied with all what you have.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that wealth cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
. This essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why the definition of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is not easy, and it will define how humans can reach a happy life.

First
, the definition of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is broad and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to narrow down. Since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is relative to every human being, it's quite difficult to
be introduced
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is having a peace of mind, others argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
lies in your ability to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
anything you like.
Furthermore
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is defined
as feeling safe and secure, while in other places,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
lies in wealth and power.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
definition for those who
are displaced
from their homeland
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of war, is
totally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Did you mean 'different "from"? 'Different than' is often considered colloquial style.
than
those who are living in a wealthy and safe country.
Simply
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
for most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is achieving what you do not have.

Second, achieving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
requires satisfaction. Since every single human being is looking for what he or she does not possess, this will lead to a never ending journey looking to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
simply
, no one has it all!
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
No matter how wealthy someone can be, he or she will always have something
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
they cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
.
For example
, media
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
extravagant wealthy celebrities who committed suicide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they were living a miserable life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would be happy if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
satisfied with what they
are gifted
.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
everyone defines it with all the things he or she would like to have.
Therefore
, the best way to acquire a happy life is by
being satisfied
with all what you have.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Most people agree that money cannot be happiness. Why is happiness difficult to define? How can people achieve happiness? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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