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some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. discuss both the views and give your opinion. v.2

some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. v. 2
Many people think that, during the free time kids should be motivated to indulge themselves in the team managed activities. While some shows the opinion that, it is better for them to make up things on their own. In my opinion, I think, children must know how to adapt things while working together. While, on the other side, they should not be dependent all the time on others. Group activities play a vital role in teaching the basics about interaction with other people and methods of grabbing difficult situations. As per the survey, conducted by the student council in 2018, team work improves the mental strength of children very quickly as compared to any other thing. It is considered by many, that behaviour of little ones becomes very calm, as soon as they were playing in a group. It is argued by some that, to make a kid self dependent, they should learn all the things by their own, not only this will improve the possibility of winning, but also discover new methods. According to an article, published in well known newspapers, new inventions were done by the people, who had done most of the work themselves. Working alone is not a bad habit, although this will cut the link with family. To conclude, sometimes it is better to put children in a situation where they have to complete the assignments on their own, but also they must have some knowledge about working together in a team, which further increases their capacity and links. If possible, parents will have to involve themselves with their kids to increase the love bond between them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that, during the free time kids should
be motivated
to indulge themselves in the team managed activities. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the opinion that, it is better for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
up things on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
know how to adapt things while working together. While, on the other side, they should not be dependent all the time on others.

Group activities play a vital role in teaching the basics about interaction with other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and methods of grabbing difficult situations. As per the survey, conducted by the student council in 2018, team work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
the mental strength of children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
quickly
as compared to any other thing. It
is considered
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
, that
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
ones becomes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
calm, as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as they were playing in a group.

It
is argued
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a kid self dependent, they should learn all the things by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the possibility of winning,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
discover new methods. According to an article, published in well known newspapers, new inventions
were done
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, who had done most of the work themselves. Working alone is not a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habit, although this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
the link with family.

To conclude
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
it is better to put children in a situation where they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
complete the assignments on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
knowledge about working together in a team, which
further
increases their capacity and links. If possible, parents will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
involve themselves with their kids to increase the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
bond between them.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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