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Some people believe that elderly employees are more useful to a company, while others believe that young employees are better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people believe that elderly employees are more useful to a company, while others believe that young employees are better. v. 1
It is argued that senior workers are more beneficial to an organisation while some people opine that the junior employees are more productive. Although young people can complete a project within a suitable timeline, I believe that the experience of the elderly is more advantageous to a company. There are some who believe that entry-level employees are favourable because they help a company by quickly completely a project. This is to say, that junior people are usually more engergatic and they are eager to learn new methodes and technologies, and because of this motivation they put their focus into their jobs and get boost the company’s productivity with haste. For instance, a report published in The Guardian stated that, the companies who hires more young people, sees a massive surge in their profits within first year of hiring. However, I believe that experience of an senior employee is more helpful in a longer term. On the other hand, the elderly people, with the help of many years of experience, bring s stable productivity to their employers. Instead of rushing through, they tend to perform a detailed analysis of any task which has been assigned to them, and with their expertise, they are usually able to solve problems that a young peer can not. This is vital for most companies because long term projects are their constant source of revenue, therefore, they prefer workers with a long tenure of experience because they can handle these projects in an effective way, removing any risk of bankruptcy. For example, an article published in the Forbes illustrated that the companies, who have less senior workers, suffer more from insolvency than the organisations who hire employees of every age. In conclusion, although the junior staff can meet a project’s deadline in a timely manner, the elderly workforce brings stability in the business, which is crucial for various companies.
It
is argued
that senior workers are more beneficial to an
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
opine that the junior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
are more productive. Although young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can complete a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
project
within a suitable timeline, I believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
of the elderly is more advantageous to a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
believe that entry-level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
are
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
by
quickly
completely a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
project
. This is to say, that junior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
usually
more
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
engergatic and
they are eager to learn new
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "methods", the plural form of the noun 'method'?
methodes
and technologies, and
because of this
motivation they put their focus into their jobs and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
boost the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company’s
productivity with haste.
For instance
, a report published in The Guardian stated that, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
Did you mean "hire"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'companies' should be used.
hires
more young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sees
a massive surge in their profits within
first
year of hiring.
However
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
of
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
is more helpful in a longer term.

On the other hand
, the elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
, bring s stable productivity to their employers.
Instead
of rushing through, they tend to perform a detailed analysis of any task which has
been assigned
to them, and with their expertise, they are
usually
able to solve problems that a young peer can not. This is vital for most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
long term
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
projects
are their constant source of revenue,
therefore
, they prefer workers with a long tenure of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can handle these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
projects
Consider replacing "in an effective way" with the adverb for "effective"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an effective way
, removing any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of bankruptcy.
For example
, an article published in the Forbes illustrated that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have less senior workers, suffer more from insolvency than the
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
hire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
of every age.

In conclusion
, although the junior staff can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
project’s
deadline in a timely manner, the elderly workforce brings stability in the business, which is crucial for various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that elderly employees are more useful to a company, while others believe that young employees are better. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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