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Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. v.11

Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. v. 11
A section of our community believes that parents should encourage their kids to participate in group activities in their leisure time however others are of the opinion that it is crucial that young ones teach themselves how to engage in the tasks in their spare time. A major section of society encourages parents to let their kids participate in team exercises. Children can learn a lot by immersing themselves in class activities. These activities are methodically designed for young ones and can play an indispensable part in their life. Numerous qualities like teamwork, communication, confidence, etc. Can be inculcated through these group tasks. For example, Playschools are scientifically designed for small kids, which incorporates a child with a plethora of qualities. Other sections of society believe that it is important for a child to be independent. Firstly, team exercises cannot teach an individual to do perform a certain task on their own. Secondly, by choosing an activity for themselves as a child can really follow its passion. It will enable them to identify their own passions and develop skills. In my opinion, body activities have far more impact on a child’s development. Crowd tasks will always incorporate a range of qualities than individual ones. Leadership is another trait that can be learned from gang activities. For example, being captain of a sports team will incorporate leadership skills in an individual. To conclude, there always be an argument within sections of society regarding the participation of children in company activities or individual ones. As far as I am concerned, group activities play a more integral part in developing skills to lead a successful life rather than individual ones.
A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
section
of our community believes that parents should encourage their kids to participate in group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in their leisure time
however
others are of the opinion that it is crucial that young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
teach themselves how to engage in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tasks
in their spare time.

A major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
section
of society encourages parents to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
their kids participate in team exercises. Children can learn a lot by immersing themselves in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are
methodically
designed for young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
and can play an indispensable part in their life. Numerous qualities like teamwork, communication, confidence, etc. Can
be inculcated
through these group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tasks
.
For example
, Playschools are
scientifically
designed for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
kids, which incorporates a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
with a plethora of qualities.

Other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sections
of society believe that it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
to be independent.
Firstly
, team exercises cannot teach an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
to do perform a certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
task
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
Secondly
, by choosing an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
for themselves as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
can
really
follow its passion. It will enable them to identify their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
passions and develop
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

In my opinion, body
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
have far more impact on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
development. Crowd
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tasks
will always incorporate a range of qualities than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
. Leadership is another trait that can
be learned
from gang
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
For example
, being
Consider using a past participle here: "captained".
captain
of a sports team will incorporate leadership
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in an individual.

To conclude
, there always be an argument within
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sections
of society regarding the participation of children in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
. As far as I
am concerned
, group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
play a more integral part in developing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to lead a successful life
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. v. 11

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
277 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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