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Some people say that parents have the most significant influence in a child's development. However, other say that things like television or friends have the must important influence on them. Discuss both the views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people say that parents have the most significant influence in a child's development. However, other say that things like television or friends have the must important influence on them. v. 1
Few human opinions that, mother and father have the much better access in baby's improvement. Whereas, some people say that electronic gadget and peers have crucial importance on them. Therefore, ahead of my opinion and both the views are discussed further. To begin with, parents have the most important role to develop kids. The Guardian has to teach them very well, such as: polite behaviour, social communication and so on. For instance, when children's do get not a good score in exams, perhaps, parents have must encourage them and teach them how to improve marks in the particular subjects. Because, they have also passed through this situation. Also, they teach how to speak with an elderly person. On the other hand, TV and friends have more connection to each youngster. As a result, some negative and positive effect on the brain. For example, few advertise are good and great messages are certain to children it has best. However, some classmate would take drugs, smoke, and so on. So, bad habits are created in the teenager's minds. Furthermore, adolescents watch more action movie. Although, their mind become more aggressive and they talk with other person very badly. In addition, some TV serials are absolute in younger life. To a degree: Tarak Maheta ka Ulta Chasma, Radha Krishna, Mahadev and others. In conclusion, both parents and television as well as soul mate are a significant part of the juvenile development. In my point of view, one of the most famous quotes is that "As you sow, so shall you reap".
Few human opinions that, mother and father have the much better access in baby's improvement. Whereas,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
say that electronic gadget and peers have crucial importance on them.
Therefore
, ahead of my opinion and both the views
are discussed
further
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, parents have the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role to develop kids. The Guardian
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
teach them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well, such as: polite
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
, social communication and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
For instance
, when children's do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
not a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
score in exams, perhaps, parents have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
encourage them and teach them how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
marks in the particular subjects.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
, they have
also
passed through this situation.
Also
, they teach how to speak with an elderly person.

On the other hand
, TV and friends have more connection to each youngster.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect on the brain.
For example
, few advertise are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and great messages are certain to children it has best.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
classmate would take drugs, smoke, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits
are created
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
's minds.
Furthermore
, adolescents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
more action movie. Although, their mind become more
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
aggressive and
they talk with other person
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
badly
.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
TV serials are absolute in younger life. To a degree:
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tarak
Possible spelling mistake found.
Maheta
Possible spelling mistake found.
ka
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ulta
Possible spelling mistake found.
Chasma
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Radha
Krishna,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Mahadev
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
.

In conclusion
, both parents and television
as well
as soul mate are a significant part of the juvenile development. In my point of view, one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
quotes is that
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
As you sow,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
shall you reap
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay Some people say that parents have the most significant influence in a child's development. However, other say that things like television or friends have the must important influence on them. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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