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Some people say that parents have the most important role in child’s development. However, others argue that other things like television or friends have the most significant influence. Discuss both of view and give your opinion. v.1

Some people say that parents have the most important role in child’s development. However, others argue that other things like television or friends have the most significant influence. v. 1
Presently, most of the children are showing interest in learning a lot of things. So, certain people opine that these people observes the important habits and develop them, with growing in age. On the contrary, other persons suggest that gadgets like the television and friends impact them a lot when compared to rest of the things. In this essay, I will debate on both the viewpoints and suggest my opinion. Firstly, the majority of children grew up by seeing their parents. Besides, they always try to be as a clone to their family member instead of thinking on their own. Secondly, people always get inspired by looking an elder person. Though they may not teach them any good habits, but giving them an important priority. A research stated that 90% of the students in the developed nations had given a positive response to their parent's affection. On the other hand, most of the children in the developing countries have mostly influenced by the modern technology. Indeed, these people are attracted towards the negative effects caused by the TV and friends. If elders are ordering their children to study, they are starting to file a criminal case on them. For instance, with the crime investigating movies most of the laws had become familiar to the majority of the public. In the conclusion, a likely reason why certain people believe that parent habits impact on most of the children because they had chosen them as their role models. Therefore, others believe that with the improvements in the latest technology people were influenced by the gadgets and other people. I believe that it completely depends on the environment of a person whether to be influenced by the parents or gadgets.
Presently
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are showing interest in learning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
things.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
opine that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
observes
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
habits and develop them, with growing in age.
On the contrary
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
persons suggest that gadgets like the television and friends impact them a lot when compared to rest of the things. In this essay, I will debate on both the viewpoints and suggest my opinion.

Firstly
, the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
grew up by seeing their parents.
Besides
, they always try to be as a clone to their family member
instead
of thinking on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
inspired by looking an elder person. Though they may not teach them any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
habits,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
giving them an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
priority.
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
A research
stated that 90% of the students in the developed nations had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
response to their parent's affection.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
have
mostly
influenced by the modern technology.
Indeed
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are attracted
towards the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects caused by the TV and friends. If elders are ordering their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to study, they are starting to file a criminal case on them.
For instance
, with the crime investigating movies most of the laws had become familiar to the majority of the public.

In the conclusion, a likely reason why certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that parent habits impact on most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they had chosen them as their role models.
Therefore
, others believe that with the improvements in the latest technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were influenced
by the gadgets and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. I believe that it completely depends on the environment of a person whether to
be influenced
by the parents or gadgets.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Some people say that parents have the most important role in child’s development. However, others argue that other things like television or friends have the most significant influence. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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