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Some people say that parents have the most important role in a child’s development. However, others argue that other things like television or friends have the most significant influence. v.2

Some people say that parents have the most important role in a child’s development. However, others argue that other things like television or friends have the most significant influence. v. 2
Undoubtedly, children below twelve years use different sources for learning. These learning sources include their parents, electronic media, toys, surroundings, or their peers to learn new information about everything. Some individuals believe that parents are the best choices for increasing children’s capabilities; however, others, included myself, believe that their growth can be more influenced by other practical factors. On the one hand, those who believe that parents’ role is more influential for children’s development have their own reasons. One is that they are more reliable. Children have a better bonding with their parents than their friends or even teachers because they spend more time with their parents than any other individual. As a prime example, a toddler can develop his speech better when he copies his mother’s word and his mother has been the only reliable person who has had sufficient care and supervision. Another reason is that parents are usually more familiar with their offspring’s mood and behaviours. They are the first ones who can find their children’s personality problems due to longer time they have been spending with them. For instance, a mother is able to detect better his child’s depression symptoms than even any other professionals. On the other hand, parents’ knowledge might not be enough for the upbringing of their children, and I believe that friends or television have more pivotal roles. The first reason behind it is that their friends are considerably more up-to-date than their parents. Clearly, developing of technology, each generation has more valuable information than parents. In particular, had not adolescents had enough social communication with their classmates, they would not have become familiar with latest versions of social networks and would have become more isolated. In addition, watching scientific programmes, they will be able to upgrade their information about the latest educational findings than when they just rely on their parents’ training. For example, to learn the English language, there are plenty of precious video clips on YouTube that perfect instructors teach grammar, vocabulary or speaking, which are extremely useful for all viewers, including children. In conclusion, although some people may agree that parents can be better origins for growing of their children, I personally think that the role of medium and their classmates could be more impressive.
Undoubtedly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
below twelve years
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
sources for learning. These learning sources include their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, electronic media, toys, surroundings, or their peers to learn new information about everything.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are the best choices for increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
capabilities;
however
, others, included myself,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that their growth can be more influenced by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
practical factors.

On the one hand, those who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
role is more influential for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
development have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
reasons. One is that they are more reliable.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
bonding with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
than their friends or even teachers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they spend more time with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
than any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
individual. As a prime example, a toddler can develop his speech
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
when he copies his mother’s word and his mother has been the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
reliable person who has had sufficient care and supervision. Another reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are
usually
more familiar with their offspring’s mood and
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
. They are the
first
ones who can find their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
personality problems due to longer time they have been spending with them.
For instance
, a mother is able to detect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
his child’s depression symptoms than even any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
professionals.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
knowledge might not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for the upbringing of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, and I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that friends or television have more pivotal roles. The
first
reason behind it is that their friends are
considerably
more up-to-date than their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
Clearly
, developing of technology, each generation has more valuable information than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
In particular
, had not adolescents had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
social communication with their classmates, they would not have become familiar with
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
versions of social networks and would have become more isolated.
In addition
, watching scientific
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
, they will be able to upgrade their information about the latest educational findings than when they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
rely on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
training.
For example
, to learn the English language, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of precious video clips on YouTube that perfect instructors teach grammar, vocabulary or speaking, which are
extremely
useful for all viewers, including children.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
origins for growing of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the role of medium and their classmates could be more impressive.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
The man who does not know other languages, unless he is a man of genius, necessarily has deficiencies in his ideas.
Victor Hugo

IELTS essay Some people say that parents have the most important role in a child’s development. However, others argue that other things like television or friends have the most significant influence. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
377 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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