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Some people argue that technological inventions, such as mobile phones, are making people socially less interactive. Do you agree or disagree? v.7

Some people argue that technological inventions, such as mobile phones, are making people socially less interactive. v. 7
People have a difference of opinion about the development of technology, where some believe that with this invention public has become less socialized with others. Indeed, I disagree with the viewpoint because the technological invention has increased the bonding among people. The invention of automation has always been a boon to the public and the world, because after these discoveries the communication system has become easier than before. Moreover, with the introduction of smartphones and internet life has become very smooth and moving at a faster pace. Furthermore, through social media like WhatsApp, Facebook and Twitter, nowadays people are interacting more frequently with others than in the past. For instance, a photo, video or a status through any of the social media websites can reach people within fraction of seconds, unlike the olden days, where the photo albums may take more time to reach our kith and kin. On the other hand, in the olden days or maybe a decade ago people have to wait for the next day’s newspaper or for a news updates on radio and television to know about the previous day details. However, through the progression in mechanization the current affairs in the nook and corner of the world can be known within a short span of time. In addition, with this improvisation the bridge between the rich- and poor-class people has also been broken and everybody is treated equally. Indeed, through this progression nowadays people are talking and chatting more time with their parents, relatives and friends and communication became user-friendly. For example, previously people used to write letters to those who are living outside the country and it would reach them after 10 days, but now through a video call, people can converse many hours with their relatives or friends who are out of the country. In conclusion, the improvisation in technology and automation has always made the life easier and people are able to converse with others without any discomfort. Moreover, this has always been a blessing to the human life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have a difference of opinion about the development of technology, where
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that with this invention public has become less socialized with others.
Indeed
, I disagree with the viewpoint
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the technological invention has increased the bonding among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

The invention of automation has always been a boon to the public and the world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
after these discoveries the communication system has become easier than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
Moreover
, with the introduction of smartphones and internet life has become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
smooth and moving at a faster pace.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
social media like WhatsApp, Facebook and Twitter, nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are interacting more
frequently
with others than in the past.
For instance
, a photo, video or a status
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
any of the social media websites can reach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
within fraction of seconds, unlike the olden days, where the photo albums may take more time to reach our kith and kin.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, in the olden days or maybe a decade ago
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
wait for the
next
day’s newspaper or for
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "news".
a news
updates on radio and television to know about the previous day
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
the progression in mechanization the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
affairs in the nook and corner of the world can
be known
within a short span of time.
In addition
, with this improvisation the bridge between the rich- and poor-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
has
also
been broken
and everybody
is treated
equally
.
Indeed
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
this progression nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are talking and chatting more time with their parents, relatives and friends and communication became user-friendly.
For example
, previously
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to write letters to those who are living outside the country and it would reach them after 10 days,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
a video call,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can converse
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
hours with their relatives or friends who are out of the country.

In conclusion
, the improvisation in technology and automation has always made the life easier and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are able to converse with others without any discomfort.
Moreover
, this has always been a blessing to the human life.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people argue that technological inventions, such as mobile phones, are making people socially less interactive. v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
338 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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