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Some people say that now we can see films on our phones or tablets there is no need to go to the cinema. Others say that to be fully enjoyed, films need to be seen in a cinema. v.14

Some people say that now we can see films on our phones or tablets there is no need to go to the cinema. Others say that to be fully enjoyed, films need to be seen in a cinema. v. 14
Because of the recent technological renovation, watching movies available in different screen sizes such as mobiles or tablets not only restricted to the movie theatre screen. However, some people would promote the traditional way of enjoying movies by going to cinemas. I find watching films on mobiles to be more convenient. On the one hand, watching films is considered a daily routine for many people around the globe. Subsequently, it should not be done with the effort that’s why some people would stick to the view that tablets and mobile screens have made it way more convenient and easily reachable. As long as you have internet access through your smart gadget it would take merely a few swipes to watch a movie Furthermore,  enjoying films on your portable gadget would save your money so, despite going to the cinema and pay for film ticket you can watch anywhere whenever you want for free. Some people would prefer the conventional way of seeing movies by going to the cinema, having popcorn or something to drink while enjoying the movie. This is in my view great method to have fun with friends, or relatives while being out home. Besides, you could watch until they are available on the internet. However, this way entirely had to be done every day. In conclusion, I think that watching films on portable apparatus such as phone or tablet or even a laptop is way more suitable and more convenient for a daily routine. While going to the cinema is a source of entertainment through outings with companions.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of the recent technological renovation, watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
available in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
screen sizes such as mobiles or tablets not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
restricted to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
screen.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would promote the traditional way of enjoying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
by going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinemas
. I find watching films on mobiles to be more convenient.

On the one hand, watching films
is considered
a daily routine for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the globe.
Subsequently
, it should not
be done
with the effort that’s why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would stick to the view that tablets and mobile screens have made it way more convenient and
easily
reachable. As long as you have internet access through your smart gadget it would take
merely
a few swipes to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
Furthermore
,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
enjoying films on your portable gadget would save your money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, despite going to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
and pay for film ticket you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
anywhere whenever you want for free.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would prefer the conventional way of seeing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
by going to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
, having popcorn or something to drink while enjoying the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
. This is in my view great method to have fun with friends, or relatives while being out home.
Besides
, you could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
until they are available on the internet.
However
, this way
entirely
 had to
be done
every day.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that watching films on portable apparatus such as phone or tablet or even a laptop is way more suitable and more convenient for a daily routine.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
going to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
is a source of entertainment through outings with companions.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that now we can see films on our phones or tablets there is no need to go to the cinema. Others say that to be fully enjoyed, films need to be seen in a cinema. v. 14

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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