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Some people say that no one should be allowed to work after the age of 65. Others say that people should be allowed to work for as long as they want. Discuss both sides and give your opinion. v.2

Some people say that no one should be allowed to work after the age of 65. Others say that people should be allowed to work for as long as they want. v. 2
Opinions are divided on whether people should retire from their duties after crossing a certain age, say 65, or whether they should be permitted to work further according to their personal choice. In my opinion, it should be an individual choice to work even if one is old but with special privileges such as flexible timings and remote working. It is believed that employees do not remain as productive in their mid-60s as they used to be at an early age. This is due to the fact that medical illness and low level of physical fitness is quite prevalent at this elder age. As a result, the work of such workers is hampered and they do not contribute much in their project activities. However, I disagree with this viewpoint because there are abundant examples of prominent personalities who are in their late or early 70s but still working diligently in their professions. For instance, Donald Trump, the president of the United States who is 73 years old and still fit in his role. Therefore, this opinion to restrict the work permit after the age of 65 is questionable. On the other side of this argument, if a person is willing to work even after his retirement period, then they should have an official license to do so. As it is often seen that elderly people suffer from stress when they quit or retire from their jobs because of the sudden change in their usual routine and inability to cope up with this transition. Therefore, I agree with this viewpoint that individuals must have a right to work until they wish but at the same time, there should be relaxation or flexibility to this age group in terms of working hours and access to work from a remote location. IT companies are prime examples of providing opportunities to aged employees after their period of service is completed to support critical projects on-demand basis, which is a win-win situation for both employer and employee. In conclusion, even though it is recommended that elderly people should be retired after a certain age due to health concerns, I believe that it should not be a hard and fast rule. In fact, this should be a personal decision and employers should facilitate them with some exceptional rights to pursue their career.
Opinions
are divided
on whether
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should retire from their duties after crossing a certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
, say 65, or whether they should
be permitted
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
further
according to their personal choice. In my opinion, it should be an individual choice to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
even if one is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
with special privileges such as flexible timings and remote working.

It
is believed
that employees do not remain as productive in their mid-60s as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be at an early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
.
This is due to the fact that
medical illness and low level of physical fitness is quite prevalent at this elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
.
As a result
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
of such workers is
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
hampered and
they do not contribute much in their project activities.
However
, I disagree with this viewpoint
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are abundant examples of prominent personalities who are in their late or early 70s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
still
working
diligently
in their professions.
For instance
, Donald Trump, the
If the term is a proper noun, use the suggested capitalization.
president of the United States
who is 73 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
and
still
fit in his role.
Therefore
, this opinion to restrict the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
permit after the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 65 is questionable.

On the other side of this argument, if a person is willing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
even after his retirement period, then they should have an official license to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
. As it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that elderly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
suffer from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
when they quit or retire from their jobs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the sudden
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in their usual routine and inability to cope up with this transition.
Therefore
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this viewpoint that individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have a right to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
until they wish
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at the same time, there should be relaxation or flexibility to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
group in terms of working hours and access to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from a remote location. IT
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are prime examples of providing opportunities to aged employees after their period of service
is completed
to support critical projects on-demand basis, which is a win-win situation for both employer and employee.

In conclusion
,
even though
it
is recommended
that elderly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should
be retired
after a certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
due to health concerns, I believe that it should not be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
. In fact, this should be a personal decision and employers should facilitate them with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
exceptional rights to pursue their career.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that no one should be allowed to work after the age of 65. Others say that people should be allowed to work for as long as they want. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
386 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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