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Some people say that no one should be allowed to work after the age of 65. Others say that people should be allowed to work for as long as they want. Discuss both sides and give your opinion. v.1

Some people say that no one should be allowed to work after the age of 65. Others say that people should be allowed to work for as long as they want. v. 1
There is a contentious debate on whether a student's academic achievement relies on the efficiency of a teacher or on the child's effort itself. This essay discusses both sides of the argument and I will give my own perspective. There are many reasons why a brilliant teacher can contribute to a student's success. The main one is some teachers have gifted talents. They can turn students with low abilities into geniuses. In addition, they can inspire and motivate them to come out of their shell and participate in classes. For instance, my maths teacher was so charismatic that we felt privileged to be in his class. He was kind and patient with all of us irrespective of our backgrounds. Sometimes he would go extra miles to make us understand the logics of mathematics. However, a student's academic achievement depends on the child's efforts, attitudes and dedications in his education. For instance, no matter how good teachers, textbooks and schools can be, if the child does not put enough determinations in his studies, he will never be a high-flyer. Furthermore, different people have different capacities. There are intellectual students who through self learning, can achieve good results irrespective of having good or bad teachers. In conclusion, both sides of the arguments have their merits. However, on balance, I tend to believe that a student's academic achievement is largely based on his personal efforts and attitudes towards his studies. On the other hand, good teachers sometimes, can help lift up low ability students through their teaching skills and talents.
There is a contentious debate on whether a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student's
academic achievement relies on the efficiency of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
or on the child's effort itself. This essay discusses both sides of the argument and I will give my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
perspective.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons why a brilliant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
can contribute to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student's
success. The main one is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
have gifted talents. They can turn students with low abilities into geniuses.
In addition
, they can inspire and motivate them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
out of their shell and participate in classes.
For instance
, my
Possible spelling mistake. 'maths' is British English.
maths
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
charismatic that we felt privileged to be in his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
. He was kind and patient with all of us irrespective of our backgrounds.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
he would go extra miles to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
us understand the logics of mathematics.

However
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student's
academic achievement depends on the child's efforts, attitudes and dedications in his education.
For instance
, no matter how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
, textbooks and schools can be, if the child does not put
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
determinations in his studies, he will never be a high-flyer.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
capacities. There are intellectual students who through self learning, can achieve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
results irrespective of having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
teachers.

In conclusion
, both sides of the arguments have their merits.
However
, on balance, I tend to believe that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student's
academic achievement is
largely
based on his personal efforts and attitudes towards his studies.
On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
, can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "lift".
lift up
low ability students through their teaching
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and talents.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that no one should be allowed to work after the age of 65. Others say that people should be allowed to work for as long as they want. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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