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tpo 51 do you agree or disagree that tv programs and movies have more positive effect on young people or negative effect v.1

tpo 51 that tv programs and movies have more positive effect on young people or negative effect v. 1
Without the shadow of doubt, media, specially movies and televisions has become an integrated part of our life, which it means that life without them is not possible. However, the way that we use them plays a determining role in their function. Controversy surrounds the issue of whether they bring about more negative effects or positive effects on young people behavior. I am, personally, of the opinion that they provide much more advantages rather than disadvantages. The following explanations will further elaborate on this perspective. To commerce, media, definitely, shoulders the responsibility of training people. So many educational programs are playing on TV every day that can be a useful source for younger people to learn about different aspects of life, from programs which are pertinent to their school lessons to programs that teach them social communication or moral virtues. For example, six years ago I was preparing myself for university entry exam, and I carry out an investigation about the preparation courses. The result, as you may predict, was disappointing since I got this opinion that they are thoroughly helpless and are just to provide profit for their entrepreneur, let alone their high prices. My friend proposed me a TV program that was played weekly and was the precise thing that I was searching for. As a result, not only was it free but also it completely taught me whatever I required. It is worth to be mention that, whenever I could not watch it, I could easily record it and watch later. Secondly, I would like to support my claim by mentioning this point that television programs are the most reliable source of valid news because they are broadcasted directly from responsible broadcasters that are controlled by the government. the significance of the news in order to inform members of the society toward national and international information is obvious. Take my sister as an example, once she was attending the high school, our city experienced a massive snow. There for, there was rumor that the schools were going to be closed that day. Consequently, she stayed at home that day and didn' t prepare herself for the exam. Unfortunately, the day after that she realized that it was just a rumor and everyone except her was ready for the exam. As a matter of fact, the valid source that inform them was news in television, not other unreliable sources that my sister had trusted. To sum it up, on the basis of the points I mentioned above, televisions and movies provides more advantages to us rather than harmful effects. In fact, they include so many training programs that play an educational role for younger people, moreover, we should certainly consider their importance as a reliable and valid source of news.
Without the shadow of doubt, media,
specially
movies and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
televisions
has become an integrated part of our life, which it means that life without them is not possible.
However
, the way that we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them plays a determining role in their function. Controversy surrounds the issue of whether they bring about more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects on young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
behavior. I am,
personally
, of the opinion that they provide much more advantages
rather
than disadvantages. The following explanations will
further
elaborate on this perspective.

To commerce, media, definitely, shoulders the responsibility of training
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
are playing on TV every day that can be a useful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
source
for younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to learn about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
aspects of life, from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
which are pertinent to their school lessons to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
that teach them social communication or moral virtues.
For example
, six years ago I was preparing myself for university entry exam, and I carry out an investigation about the preparation courses. The result, as you may predict, was disappointing since I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
this opinion that they are
thoroughly
helpless and are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to provide profit for their entrepreneur,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
alone their high prices. My friend proposed me a TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
that
was played
weekly and was the precise thing that I was searching for.
As a result
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
was it free
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
it completely taught me whatever I required. It is worth to be mention that, whenever I could not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
it, I could
easily
record it and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
later.

Secondly
, I would like to support my claim by mentioning this point that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
are the most reliable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
source
of valid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
are broadcasted
directly
from responsible broadcasters that
are controlled
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
significance of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
in order to inform members of the society toward national and international information is obvious. Take my sister as an example, once she was attending the high school, our city experienced a massive snow. There for, there was rumor that the schools were going to
be closed
that day.
Consequently
, she stayed at home that day and
Possible spelling mistake found.
didn&
#039; t prepare herself for the exam. Unfortunately, the day after that she realized that it was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a rumor and everyone except her was ready for the exam. As a matter of fact, the valid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
source
that inform them was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
, not other unreliable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
that my sister had trusted.

To sum it up, on the basis of the points I mentioned above,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
televisions
and movies provides more advantages to us
rather
than harmful effects. In fact, they include
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
training
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
that play an educational role for younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
moreover
, we should
certainly
consider their importance as a reliable and valid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
source
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay tpo 51 that tv programs and movies have more positive effect on young people or negative effect v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
462 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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