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do you agree or disagree that it is mire important for students to learn about facts or understand ideas and concepts v.2

that it is mire important for students to learn about facts or understand ideas and concepts v. 2
Arguments about the material that students are obliged to learn during school time are so controversial. What they learn in schools are so crucial for them because these material determine their future lifestyle, goals, achievement and…. However, some people believes that students have to learn facts instead of understanding the ideas and concepts. Personally, I support this idea that it’s more important to learn facts than ideas by giving a couple of logical reasons. First of all, as it’s obvious through its name, facts are always true. These are proved and every one accept them and no one can readily disapprove them and cast doubt on their authority. ON the contrary, concepts and ideas are personally approved and their not as valid as fact, Hence, they are not thoroughly reliable and their validity can be easily questioned and refused. For example, based on the contemporary art courses that I have passed, I have learned that through the history of architecture, many architects have providing different ideas and concepts that sometimes they were in complete contrast it each other. Some people believed them and some rose against them and finally most of them were eliminated after a while. So why they couldn’t survive at least for centuries? TO answer I should say that because they were not true or constant and they were just based on some personal believes. In contrast, the proved principles and rules like the functionalism are constant through time and no one can refutes them. Secondly, facts are the foundation of our thoughts. in fact, if we want to have an idea or a concept we need some basic rules and material to base our ideas on it. These rules are, actually, proved facts. There for, if student want to be creative and provide new ideas they have to learn the basis, the facts, at first. Then, they can have plenty of creative ideas throughout these fact, just like branches of tree that are all based on a strong trunk. For instance, I would like to provide an example of designing a house in architecture to convince that the validity of my claims. In order to design a house, a designer have to be faithful to some principles in order not to break the rules of functionalism. The facts like enough space or light. There for, he can use these facts as the basis and then begin to have creative ideas and fascinating concepts based on them. As a result, it’s obvious that learning facts are primarily and prior to the ideas, and should be considered vital in education. In sum, as I make it clear above, since facts are the constant in life and no one is able to change them, learning them is significant for students. Moreover, facts are prior to our creativity and our new ideas must be based on them.
Arguments about the material that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are obliged
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
during school time are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
controversial. What they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
in schools are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
crucial for them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these material determine their future lifestyle, goals, achievement and….
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
believes
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
facts
instead
of understanding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideas
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
concepts
.
Personally
, I support this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
idea
that it’s more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
facts than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideas
by giving a couple of logical reasons.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, as it’s obvious through its name, facts are always true. These
are proved
and every one accept them and no one can
readily
disapprove them and cast doubt on their authority.
ON the contrary
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
concepts
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideas
are
personally
approved and their not as valid as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fact
,
Hence
, they are not
thoroughly
reliable and their validity can be
easily
questioned and refused.
For example
, based on the contemporary art courses that I have passed, I have learned that through the history of architecture,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
architects have providing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideas
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
concepts
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
they were in complete contrast it each other.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believed them and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
rose against them and
finally
most of them
were eliminated
after a while.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
why they couldn’t survive at least for centuries? TO answer I should say that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they were not true or
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
constant and
they were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
based on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
personal believes.
In contrast
, the proved principles and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
like the functionalism are constant through time and no one can
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "refute"
refutes
them.

Secondly
, facts are the foundation of our thoughts.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fact
, if we want to have an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
idea
or a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
concept
we need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
and material to base our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideas
on it. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
are, actually, proved facts. There for, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
want to be creative and provide new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideas
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
the basis, the facts, at
first
. Then, they can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideas
throughout these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fact
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
like branches of tree that are all based on a strong trunk.
For instance
, I would like to provide an example of designing a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
in architecture to convince that the validity of my claims. In order to design a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
, a designer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be faithful to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
principles in order not to break the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
of functionalism. The facts like
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
space or light. There for, he can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
these facts as the basis and then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
to have creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideas
and fascinating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
concepts
based on them.
As a result
, it’s obvious that learning facts are
primarily
and prior to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideas
, and should
be considered
vital in education.

In sum, as I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
above, since facts are the constant in life and no one is able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
them, learning them is significant for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
Moreover
, facts are prior to our creativity and our new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideas
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be based
on them.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay that it is mire important for students to learn about facts or understand ideas and concepts v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
477 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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