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Some people say that new advancements in factory farming and the creation of new combinations of fruits and vegetables are not beneficial while others disagree with this opinion. v.1

Some people say that new advancements in factory farming and the creation of new combinations of fruits and vegetables are not beneficial while others disagree with this opinion. v. 1
Technology is permeating every realm of human beings’ lives ever since its inception. This can be manifested in biotechnology used to bring about a new combination of fruits and vegetables, and in factory farming. Some argue these practice to be rewarding one, while others question the viability of these. Both points of views will be analysed in this essay before reaching a reasonable conclusion. It is widely believed by some that the livestock is kept in unsanitary and macabre conditions in many of factory farming arrangement while the use of modern fertilizers causes irrecoverable damage to the environment. This was manifested by many documentaries that aired during the early 1990s, that went behind the scenes of such biotechnologically produced poultry and other edibles. For many people, this inhumane treatment of livestock is enough to keep them from consuming the factory farmed meat. Thus it is understandable, why some people are vocal critics of factory farming and other similar processes. On the other hand, some people avow, that factory farming is beneficial and for the common good of the mankind. Take, an isolated country like New Zealand, for example, for her the export of poultry produced from the poultry farms, is one of her main source of national revenue. If it wasn’t for these practices, New Zealand would probably be not as competitive as it is today. Hence, the merits of such practices are evident from this example. For reasons related to, fair treatment of animals, environmental footprints, and economic benefits derision, the topic of factory farming and similar processes is a contentious one. After musing upon both sides of this argument, it is felt that biotechnology will continue to be used, although the tormenting of livestock in such settings, should be admonished.
Technology is permeating every realm of human beings’
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
ever since its inception. This can
be manifested
in biotechnology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to bring about a new combination of fruits and vegetables, and in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farming
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
argue these
The verb 'practice' is used with the gerund form: "practice being".
practice to be
rewarding one, while others question the viability of these. Both points of views will be
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysed' is British English.
analysed
in this essay
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
reaching a reasonable conclusion.

It is
widely
believed by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that the livestock is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
in unsanitary and macabre conditions in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farming
arrangement while the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of modern fertilizers causes irrecoverable damage to the environment. This
was manifested
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
documentaries that aired during the early 1990s, that went behind the scenes of such
Possible spelling mistake found.
biotechnologically
produced poultry and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
edibles. For
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, this inhumane treatment of livestock is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them from consuming the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factory
farmed meat.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
it is understandable, why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are vocal critics of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farming
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
similar processes.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
avow, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farming
is beneficial and for the common
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
of the mankind. Take, an isolated country like New Zealand,
for example
, for her the export of poultry produced from the poultry farms, is one of her main source of national revenue. If it wasn’t for these practices, New Zealand would
probably
be not as competitive as it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.
Hence
, the merits of such practices are evident from this example.

For reasons related to,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
treatment of animals, environmental footprints, and economic benefits derision, the topic of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farming
and similar processes is a contentious one. After musing upon both sides of this argument, it
is felt
that biotechnology will continue to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
, although the tormenting of livestock in such settings, should
be admonished
.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that new advancements in factory farming and the creation of new combinations of fruits and vegetables are not beneficial while others disagree with this opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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